What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you focus only on the flaws or do you focus on your whole being?
Much like a heat seeking missile, our eyes unthinkingly tend to gravitate towards the cellulite, skin blemishes and boobs that have probably seen perkier days (and that includes you blokes). But over and above the physical what do you see? Do you see a person who looks his or her age but accepts themselves, including the flaws or do you see a person who avoids looking at themselves in the mirror and doubts aspects of their self-worth?
The fact is that most of us would change some aspect of our appearance if we had the choice to do it pain and cost free. What I’m talking about in today’s post goes deeper than physical appearance. It goes to our core and the issue of self-belief. The physical is but one facet of this.
In the interests of full disclosure I am declaring that my self-esteem was a hard one victory. And given the journey that was needed to claim that victory I’m going to do whatever I can to defend it. This is not to say I 
have to always be right or win or that I can’t practice humility – those elements are tied to ego. Rather, what I am not going to do is hand over the means by which my self-esteem can be undermined. Despite how far I have come in my own personal journey, I almost recently did just that by crediting the negative talk that was being thrown at me. I felt myself slipping into old habits and seeking acceptance and it just didn’t feel right. So I yanked hard on my personal joystick and pulled out of the free fall. As it so happened the negative talk had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fear that the person saying them felt about the situation.
Just to be clear, negative talk is deigned to hurt, manipulate and undermine. It is to be contrasted to constructive feedback. Just like a Hallmark card giving constructive feedback means the giver cares enough to want to help you change your situation. It is a gift.
By listening to the negetive talk I almost bought into believing that I was less than I am. And why? Because the negative external talk triggered the negative self-talk and doubts started to creep in. It was such an emphatic lesson.
We can’t control what other people say to us. We can control what we hear and we can control how we perceive.
We can also control our inner dialogue.
So I choose positive self-talk and self-acceptance and I do so consciously. The added benefit is that I am beginning to recognise the signs when I am moving away from that position and can take corrective action.
They say that writing is a muscle you should exercise daily. I believe the same can be said for self-acceptance.
It is important to surround yourself with friends and those who support you. Make sure one of them is YOU, you will never again feel alone.
The more you accept yourself, the less you need to seek acceptance from others. And there is tremendous freedom in reaching the point where external approval doesn’t matter. There is only one person who can valuidate you and that’s the person in the mirror.
Today I give myself permission to practice self-acceptance.
Raising the Curtain 
wise words but a personal hallenge to maintain!
Wise advice but a personal challenge to maintain.
Yes, get’s easier with practice, I think 🙂
Some truths? 1) Beauty is internal, 2) And in the eye of the beholder ~ there is a song on a record called Tapestry… 😉
As a child I used to have a T shirt with the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder on it. I never really understood it in the context of the way I see my own beauty until recently.
a very wise woman once said to me that you should treat your “soul” or self worth like your child and protect it as you would that child. In recent years I have decided that if I wouldn’t tolerate someone’s negative opinion, then I shouldn’t tolerate it when I do it to myself. It’s not easy but I keep trying to live by that mantra.
Now that’s real wisdom, both the saying and your realisation. Sometimes we have to consciously have remind ourselves that we deserve better from ourselves.
Yes, the lady who said this to me is quite the sage… a wonderful inspirational earth mother of a woman who believes in unconditional love towards all including self. Much to learn from her!
“The more you accept yourself, the less you need to seek acceptance from others.”—Well said. And people who accept themselves are much more attractive (in all senses) than those who carry a negativity about themselves. It can be hard to do, but it gets easier as we get older, I think. Which is a good thing, because as our outsides start to go, we need stronger insides that much more.
Does that mean we have to start exercising out collon more? Seriously, what you say is right, those that accept themselves radiate a confidence which is attractive. Speaking of which, love your new gravatar. Never realised your hair was that long!
Thank you. I thought a new pic was in order, and I spent far more time then I should have last night playing with Windows Paint photo program…
And yes, jumping jacks and tuck jumps are always good for our colons. 😉
Self acceptance is crucial to your happiness. Can you imagine how some people suffer who cannot accept they are ageing? Changing in front of their mirror? You must accept the things you cannot change for your own well-being.
Love this post as well.
I can imagine and media does not make the process any easier.How many sensational plastic surgery disaster stories are there? Some people never reconcile to the fact of aging and it makes their golden years a lot more miserable.
Well said. I agree totally with you choosing how you react to what others say.
Took me a long time to learn that one!
Hiya .. great advice here – it’s critical to remember that what others perceive is not who we are … we need to be true to ourselves, fair and loving in all ways to ourselves and others around us. Cheers Hilary
Beautifully said, Hillary. Cheers right back at you 😉
Great advice! It’s amazing how hard we can be on ourselves sometimes, as if it’s not hard enough out there in the world.
Absolutely. Why do we tend to treat ourselves as less than everyone else?
This is so important. I once heard, “no one can love you more than you love yourself,” and it made me pause and reflect in a big way. Easy enough to transform that to “no one can accept you more than you accept yourself.” Peace.
How can we ask someone to do for us what we will now do for ourselves? That’s what I always come back to. Peace back at you 🙂
loving your thoughtful posts and quotes! twain is my all time fave
but the butterfly quote is tops!
happy a to z!
Thanks Tara, happy a to z to you too. Can you belive it’s almost the end?