Tag Archives: a to z challenge

Today I Give Myself Permission to Fail #atozchallenge

Letter FThis is it, one of the major, if not The Big Kahuna of permissions.  At least for me.

No one sets out to fail. It is ingrained in us from birth that we should strive to succeed. Our parents, spouse and employer all reinforce this notion by rewarding us if we succeed. The extrinsic rewards for success are many, praise, love, respect, applause, money and validation to name a few. As a result, we spend a lot of time and energy avoiding failure. Exactly what constitutes failure is up for debate, something to consider next time you reach for a Post-It note.

But let’s start with the notion that failure is the situation where despite your best efforts you have not met your own objectives or that of someone else who is important to you. Let’s face it, it is bound to happen at some point in your seventy plus years above ground. Despite the best of intentions, we are all human. Witness politicians who we vote in to succeed and who so often fail.

What we are not successful at doing as a society is teaching our children and ourselves how to deal with failure or that sometimes you have to first fail to succeed. This focus only on success fosters a dangerous form of perfectionism and ignores the importance of resilience. Further, if we are taught to succeed at any cost, we are indirectly taught that it is permissible to push others down in our quest.

Michael Jordan famously said the following:

Michael Jordon - failure

What if Michael Jordan didn’t have the resilience to get back on the court after each of those 26 times or spent all of his time after those 300 games in self-flagellation?

I can’t tell you how many times I have been to the self-flagellation shop to buy a T-shirt over something relatively minor. I’m now done with buying any more of these T-shirts, firstly I have them in every colour and they are now out of fashion. Fear of failure no longer has me in its power, because I know I have to learn the lessons from failure a dozen times to succeed the once. Self-deprecation is a wonderful tool in the fight against this fear and it will serve me well in my second act.

Ego, you have a lot to answer for and I’m slowly putting you in your place.  And with this comes a huge relief. Relief in knowing that trying to control a succesful outcome is often futile, particularly if it depends on other people and being able to channel that controlling energy in a whole lot of other more constructive ways. For too much ego and fear of failure go hand in hand. How ironic is it that I had to fail many times to understand that?

Lincoln failure

Thanks Abe, for the most part I AM content and understand that failing is a part of trying and in particular, trying something new.

Not trying or not doing simply because of the prospect of failure? Make mine a double!

Double faceplam

Today I give myself permission to fail

Today I Give Myself Permission to Explore and Experience #atozchallenge

Letter EA couple of days ago I gave myself permission to be curious. I’m now going to extend that curiosity to the physical, by giving myself permission to explore the word and open myself to new experiences.

One of my passions is travel. I am grateful to my parents for instilling in me a sense of adventure and for exposing me to other countries during my childhood years. I have tried to do the same for my children and we have a few more family trips left in us. Time is precious and each trip now together as a family takes on another dimension and a sense that this is something special.

When I first had children, I remember receiving a pamphlet from the pharmacist which said something along the lines of:

Your children won’t remember their ironed clothes, but they will remember your shared experiences

The notion has stuck with me ever since. I’ve been busy creating shared experiences for the family (Oh, no not again!!!), but also now at middle age, solo experiences for my own memories. The realty is that my health can only decline from this point and there is a whole lot of living left to be done.

So here are the highlights of my exploration and experience bucket list. I’m getting itchy feet just thinking about these!

Egypt A

BMorroco

IstanbulC

DGreek islands

tomatina festival SpainE

Cable beachF

A = Egypt, which has long been a fascination

B = Marrakesh, Morocco

C  = Istanbul a city spanning two continents. Take me to the Grand Bazaar…

D = The Greek Islands, especially Santorini

E = Tomatina festival in Spain. Get down and salsa!

F = Sunset camel ride in Broome, Western Australia

There’s a whole lot more as well. The world is now truly a playground.

Right now all of my work colleagues are planning overseas trips within the next 12 months. There’s a lot of planning and travel talk, glossy brochures and yearning on my part and I’m living my vicarious travel dreams through them.

In the meantime I content myself with road trips within a two to three hour vicinity and create my own local experiences. After all everything can be an experience, depending on what you make of it.

It’s time to get busy making memories!

Do you yearn for farawy places and experiences? What places are on your exploration bucket list?

Today I Give Myself Permission to Deal #atozchallenge

Letter DI started my first job at the tender age of 14 years and nine months, which in this part of the world is the minimum age without having to obtain parental consent.

It was a part-time gig working at McDonald’s. And I loved it. My gateway to teen financial independence, it also provided a social life (there were boys!) and (at the time) free food. I am grateful for the start that McDonald’s gave me, because say what you will about McDonald’s, it has one of the BEST employee training programmes I have experienced. And in the ensuing thirty something years I have experienced many.

Beyond the mandatory “Would You Like Fries With That?”, it tought me about systems, structures and teamwork and all at a tender age when knowing these skills made a huge difference to a young life.

One of our mantras at Maccas (the Australian version of the term, Mickey D’s) was:

Clean As You Go

The concept was that if you make a mess, you deal with it then and there or as soon as the situation practically allows.

Now, I would love to tell you that I have religiously applied that philosophy to every physical mess I have ever created. But sadly, that’s not the case as the pile of notes, articles and clothes lying around my house will attest.

However, I believe that I have made up for this physical deficiency by applying this mantra to my metaphorical piles. I clean my messes as I go, meaning I DEAL.

Avoidance is the opposite of dealing. The problem with avoidance is that it’s a chancy strategy. Whilst the possibly of the mess disappearing all of its own volition or by having someone else deal with it is there, it’s by no means a certainty. The possibility of the mess compounding into something larger and more permenant whilst we wait for others to deal or for a miracle is much more likely. What could have been dealt with at the start with a small amount of pain, effort or unpleasantness now requires way more pain, effort or unpleasantness because mess tends to attract mess. The avoidance strategy also means that you give the mess time to creep and ooze into other aspects of your life, making the dealing all that much harder when the time to deal actually comes. And in my experience, the time always comes.

The consequence of not dealing was sheeted home to me at the age of 23. Like most people, I hated going to the dentist. Really, really hated it… as in anxiety, the whole nine yards and so much so there was a period where I avoided going to the dentist for five years. I paid for my avoidance however, when I finally went to the dentist. Instead of an hour of unpleasantness every 6 months if I had dealt, I was rewarded with 6 hour long sessions in the chair at the hands of the torture master. NEVER will I repeat that experience, it was a lesson of a lifetime.

Dealing with emotional pain is no different. Avoidance of emotional pain will come home to roost. At some point you have to do the hard yards and deal. And to deal, you want mole hills, not mountains.

It has been said that Carl Jung once observed that more people enter therapy at the age of forty-nine than at any other age. This is because this is often a time of life and death struggle between the old and new. It’s time to decide on your new way of being, it’s time to deal.

mole on a hill

Today I give myself permission to deal.

Today I Give Myself Permission To Be Curious #atozchallenge

Letter CSome people are content with being an expert in what lies behind their front fence.  Then there’s me.

Whilst I enjoy my home and my front yard, my imagination and thoughts have always had a wider calling. I have always believed that good things lie beyond my front fence and that the world offers endless possibilities for the curious. I remember that in my circle of friends growing up there was always one fascinating individual who knew a lot about a lot. In those days, given that we were not of driving age, that knowledge would have come from reading a wide range of sources. From science fiction to world politics, this dude understood it all. As a result, he was fascinating to be around and fascinating to talk to.

These days, I feed my curiosity in various ways. Reading blogs on a wide variety of different topics is but one. It is certainly refreshing to be able to hear different viewpoints from sources other than the mainstream media. Our press here seems to have a developed a homogeneity to it and what I personally feel is an element of intellectual snobbism. Information and news should be accessible, digestible and debatable by all but that’s a whole other topic and blog post. Another favorite way is to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before. You never know where such a conversation will lead, what nugget you may glean.

Remaining open and receptive is key.

When I first starting work after graduating from university, I found that I missed academic learning. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of learning to be done on the job, but most of that was of a practical nature. I

photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

craved something that involved digging a little deeper. So after a year out, I returned to undertake postgraduate studies and my curiosity was appeased for a time. Then came children and my learning curve and curiosity transcended a whole other level. However, in our little work team, I was the one that would ferret out new developments and report them. The ferreting was a welcome distraction from the day-to-day churn.

Then there’s the curiosity about other lands and cultures. Travel just ticks so many boxes. I see a lot of it in the future of my second act.

Curiosity in my midlife years has taken on new life and new urgency as the search for answers and new ideas escalates. I love having a variety of teachers, from the very young to the very old. We can learn something from everybody, whether they deliver the lesson with eloquence, articulation or just gesticulation.

And just to show that I’m still totally insane curious, I have just started a new course of postgraduate university study in a field that is totally different to that in which I work. The last four weeks have been a real eye opener in terms of what learning is like in the technological age and have been wonderfully gratifying even in those moments of pure stress during the submission of my first assignment. Last weekend was a real fun time in our household with mother and son engaging in a fascinating discourse on the Harvard in text method of citation. We both had assignments due either side of Easter – he as a university freshman, me as a postgraduate student. But THE very best thing about this experience is that I am undertaking this course of study simply because I want to. This is purely to expand my world. If something comes out of it in the job sense, then great, if not that’s great too. Whatever the case, I will have gained something other than just a university fee debt.

And remember as an undergrad how you looked upon mature age students as slightly freaky and not quite understanding why? Well, now I AM that mature age student, motivated and grateful for the opportunity to do it all again.

So did curiosity really kill the cat? I think not.

 curiosity killed the cat

 Are you curious by nature? Would you ever contemplate undertaking further formal study? Maybe you are already engaged in further formal study. If so, I would love to hear from you!

Today I give myself permission to be curious.

1 is for The First Day Of The 1 to 100 Day Blog Challenge

photo from flikr -
leo reynolds'
photostream

Ok, so here it is day one after the conclusion of the A to Z Challenge, wondering what I’m going to do with myself now that the structured impetus for daily blog posts is over. Wandering the wilderness of the Internet, looking for avenues to appease my blogging bug. Folks, I have now got it bad.

The 1 to 100 Day Blog Challenge means a blog a day for the next 100 days based on numbers. After that, I am moving to symbols and next colours (and we all know how good I am at those) …the Challenge possibilities are endless. All you have to do is stick with me for the next 100 days.

Day one: the number one, what a wonderful sleek-looking number it is. A powerful number and a common denominator for all. Let’s marvel at the number 1:

photo from flikr -
leo reynolds' photostream

I can hear the collective groan now, 100 days?

yep, 100 straight days of curtain raising posts

wisdom roast followed by a sinfully rich dessert of self deprecating humour

chicken soup for the blogging soul

88 is looking real good, excited about 25 too. 45 though, I think is going to be trouble – too many jagged edges.

I am kidding……there is no 1 to 100 Day Challenge!!

However, I do want to say a big thanks to those who joined my A to Z blogging Challenge party – no matter how briefly. If it were not for your readership, enthusiasm and support it would have been much harder going than it was.  Whatever challenges we may face (whether by choice or by circumstance), it is good to know that there are those who are prepared to share some aspects with us. For a novice blogger trying to make her way, this means much. For those who read my posts the whole way through, commented, liked or ended by following me you guys are numero uno!

photo from flikr -
leo reynolds'
photostream

Thank you!!

Z is for Zumba: 10 Things Zumba Class Taught Me About Life (#atozchallenge)

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chrisinplymouth's
photostream

I come to this last Challenge post with a degree of excitement and a huge sense of relief. I’m not one to give up and well, here we are at Z. I’ll be writing more in a post containing my reflections on the Challenge next week after attending to some non-Challenge unfinished blogging business.

So with a great deal of ZEAL, I write my Z post.

I started taking Zumba classes about a year ago. Looking back at that first class, I can’t help but be transported back to that OMG feeling and the eternal question:

 “Just what the heck were you thinking?”

It was an introductory class, so at the END of it the instructors taught us some of the basic latin dance steps of the salsa, cha-cha and merengue. That’s when things began to look particularly bleak. Not sure where I was when they handed out the co-ordination gene, but clearly I was not in that line. My Zumba journey has been a real trip and keeping with the perseverance theme of this post, I bring to you my 10 points of Zumba wisdom.

Here is what Zumba participation has taught me about life.

1. Nobody is born an expert, not even an expert smart-arse. Becoming an expert takes time, training and a whole lot of missteps along the way.

2. Introducing a new routine inevitably increases the chance of missteps. It takes a couple of weeks to feel comfortable with the routine, but once you break through that comfort barrier, it becomes a whole lot of fun. Only you and hard work can break through that barrier and when you do… oh what a feeling! New routines keep life interesting.

3.Nobody focuses on your missteps other than you. Everyone is more worried about their own. There is no spotlight or microphone highlighting that you zigged, when you should have zagged (note the rather topical consistant use of Z words). You think your missteps are so good ? Ha, I’ve got news for you. Ditch the self – consciousness and get out there!

4. Bring your own style to anything you tackle, don’t worry about what to wear, how you look. You can’t do worse than my original outfit of baggy T shirt and old bike shorts. Individuality is exciting and interesting. Remember this also in the context of rule number  three.

5. Everything is more fun with a latin beat ………jajaja!

6. Pitbull is a Zumba class favourite and most of his songs have a great beat that can motivate you to do housework, blogging and other activities …. “two worlds English…Spanish….”

7.  The salsa, cha-cha and merengue are highly technical dance steps. Zumba is not the latin dance championships and you will not be scored on technical merit. Usually, keeping up the energy and your legs and arms moving in something that loosely resembles dance moves is enough. In other words, give yourself a break and just enjoy life’s experiences.

8. The intensity of each routine varies. There is a slow build up starting with the warm up moving to high impact, then a slow catch your breath number, another build-up and finally a warm down. Life is not about being at full throttle all the time. Down-times are permissible and absolutely necessary.

9. Break each routine down to its basics. Start with the leg movements then add in the arms and then put it all together. Sometimes we all just need to get back to the basics and take small bites rather than try to eat the whole pig, which will probably cause you indigestion anyway.

10. A hot looking Brazilian bloke in line next to you makes the hour go faster and sends the energy levels soaring.  Always carry a hot Brazilian looking bloke around with you if you can or if that’s not possible hold onto the idea of something or someone who motivates you.

There you have it, rules and skills for life according to Zumba Zen. I still don’t know how to properly do the salsa, cha-cha or merengue and I’m glad the technical aspects of all of that did not distract me from the bigger picture. I’m moving, sweating, having fun and mixing it with some great people and that to me is more important than championship ballroom technique.

And so with that, here endeth the Challenge.

Y is for Yoda and Yarn: Connected, They Are (#atozchallenge)

photo from flikr -
leo reynolds'
photostream

I am not a procrastinator by nature. In fact, I’m the opposite. Once I have made up my mind, I go for it, totally zonal and focused. That was until it came to starting a blog. Just six short weeks ago I knew very little about blogging other than how to read and subscribe to one. What a journey it has been.

It was the A to Z Challenge that really put an end to the procrastination. I had to get the blog up and running for 1 April to be able to participate and really knew nothing about the tech side of things. Once I became aware of my blogging options, I got caught in the analysis paralysis trap, too many choices as I really wanted my blog to look sleek and welcoming. Of course, I was modelling my expectations by looking at blogs that had been up and running for years. Big mistake! At that point I realized that blogs evolve, are not just made and let my preconceived ideas go. It was then simply a matter of putting a pin in WordPress and typing.

I still pinch myself that I am sharing the blogosphere with real writers. My aim with this blog is to entertain by sharing my life experiences and to polish my writing along the way. Others of course have different aims. To those of you who can create characters and write fiction or achieve publication you have my utmost admiration.

A couple of weeks ago I started a writing course. I have learned some techniques that will help me get inside a character’s head and develop a story line. The classes have been fun and because I am already putting my writing out there in the form of this blog, I am less conscious about sharing my work with others. Creating, I have learned, is about just letting go, silencing the inner critic and keeping the pen moving.

Science fiction is not my movie genre of choice, I’m more of a chickflick girl. But one science fiction character I dig is Yoda. If ever there was an epitome of a wise oracle type of character, Yoda is it. From his wisdom to his ears to his speech, I wouldn’t change a thing. So it was with some delight that the convenors of the course chose to motivate us by giving us the following well-known Yodaism:

So here I am, doing!

As for the yarn, I am talking about this:

Informal A long, often elaborate narrative of real or fictitious adventures; an entertaining tale.

not this:

One of the writing exercises we had to do this week was to create a character and write on the topic “Love Hurts“. A short two minutes of creating, keeping the pen moving and practicing conveying emotion. With Yoda’s wise words firmly in my head I did just that and I thought I would share with you the yarn that I produced in those two minutes.

Lilly knew she had to do it today. She knew it wasn’t fair to string Brett along any longer. She had to break it off, let him go his own way to find a girl who could really appreciate him for who he was. Being at work in a busy restaurant wasn’t ideal. But Brett was here now, having started his shift as a short-order cook not twenty minutes before.

Lilly always felt lousy at times like this. She was always the one that instigated the break up. She had no desire to be the dumpee and Brett had gotten too close. She hated these moments, hated being the bitch… but her upbringing had taught her that love hurts. Yes, fear could do that to you.

Nervously looking to her left, she followed Brett’s every move. Distracted she almost dropped the plate of food she was carrying to table four. That just wouldn’t do, laden as it was with peas, carrots and gravy.

J. K Rowling I am not (nor do I want to be), but I am really liking this character and feel that I want to bring Lilly more to life. I’m not sure where I will go with her, but this is a huge leap for someone who is used to being overly descriptive in her writing style. I am starting to let go and leave matters to the reader’s imagination.

So this blog is a little different today and now I’ve put it out there and done more than try. I’d love to hear any feedback you want to give me, good or bad.

As Yoda would say, curtain you have started to raise. Go a little higher, you should.