I’m loving all of your alarm mishap/relationship comments on Part 1 of this story. Makes me feel less alone in my alarm angst. And I’m definitely going to have to try the tea towel waving technique, something about that appeals to my inner playful child. Towel flinging brings back so many happy memories.
The star of today’s post is not a fire alarm, but a fire extinguisher. The fire extinguisher appearing below to be precise.
Weekends are always DIY dangerous in this neck of the woods. They represent 48 hours in which to carry out amazing feats of DIY daring, innumerable trips to the hardware store and little DIY surprises. Good weekends end without trips to the hospital. All kidding aside, I truly admire the Italian Stallion’s DIY skill and stamina, not to mention his hardware collection. Remember when hardware meant tools, nails and fixy bits rather than computer parts? I googled hardware the other day to try to find some images of hammers, saws and fixy bits but was inundated with pictures of hard drives, chips and wires. I wonder what hardware will mean to my children.
My recent gift to the Italian Stallion
Last weekend was a DIY weekend for the Stallion. There were at least two trips to the hardware store that I know about. I suspect there were more stealthy ones. But who can blame the Italian Stallion? Who wouldn’t want a trip to nirvana where a standing ovation awaits for being the most frequent buyer? I have no doubt that employees seek out the Italian Stallion to ask him where the 2 inch singing Phillips head screw drivers and matching colour coordinated socket head screws are located. Whilst this is a rather feminine take on the world of hardware – colour and song choice would never enter into the male equation – I’m sure you get the gist. Which brings me to the following Curtain Raising thought:
How many different hammers does one guy need?
Answer: More than girls have types of sandals.
Have we the women, finally stumbled on the male equivalent of “I don’t have a thing to wear”? “Honey, I don’t have a thing with which to repair?
I could go on like this for hours, but there’s the small matter of the fire extinguisher.
So the weekend is drawing to a close, Sunday evening and dinner is cooking and I’m at the sink, washing up. Thankfully, the smoke alarm is silent and the Italian Stallion still has all his fingers. It’s been a good couple of days. Arms elbow deep in suds, the Italian Stallion rocks up and the following conversation ensues:
IS: “I’ve been to the hardware store today.”
CR: “Yeah? Wesfarmers share price will surly spike tomorrow.”
IS: “I bought a fire extinguisher for the workshop.”
CR: “Great”
IS: “I bought two, actually. One for the kitchen as well.”
CR: “One for the kitchen?”
IS: “Sure, where would you like me to install it?”
CR: [This is totally left field and I fumble the ball] “I dunno.”
IS: “How about here?” – IS takes the fire extinguisher and holds it next to the most prominent position in the kitchen.
CR: [Now totally drop the ball] “Really? It’s so industrial looking.”
The sound of a burst bubble fills the air. In my defence though, I felt totally ambushed. I like surprises as much as the next person, but this was totally unexpected and besides I had my hands in the sink! Further, the vision for my normal residential kitchen does not include industrial fittings. This is only the first step and I fear one that could set a dangerous precedent. What happens if the Stallion suddenly rocks up with 100 metres of industrial grey carpet or industrial shelving? I feel I am at the flood gates of hardware hell, it is starting to invade my living space.
No doubt, the extinguisher will go up…somewhere … eventually. And now I’m on guard for anything resembling industrial/office wear. A Blackberry is one thing. A fire extinguisher is quite another. Even with my lack of interior decorating talent I know that “Office – circa early 90’s” is not the way to go.
In the meantime, the only real mode of fire protection I want to embrace is this:
Has any person you live with ever brought home anything that was totally unexpected?
Raising the Curtain 
I can’t think of anything unexpected either my husband or I brought home. We always discuss those types of things first. Aren’t we boring? But we do have a kitchen fire extinguisher housed under our sink. Never know when you’ll need it. 🙂
At least yours is under the sink. Hubby proposed it be attached to the most pominant wall in the kitchen. The one where the Red Sox calender is located!
My dear anonymous hubby is a car fix it guru. He is becoming a pretty good handyman also. He loves to do woodworking projects. So, in answer to your question, yes, I have been ambushed on several occasions. Plus, I have car parts in my family room. I have tools in my kitchen drawers (the junk ones) . I can walk out of a room only to return and see brake pads on my dining room table. I totally understand. Plus, when he goes to the hardware store he will only bring in the smallest bag. The big stuff he hides in the back of his car until I’m not looking. Caught him doing that once, so now I have absolutely no guilt in sneaking in bags from shopping trips. 🙂
Heeeee, DAF. Mine invents excuses to go to the hardware store. All roads lead and all that. I hope break pads on your dining room table mean that your car is fine tuned to perfection :).
Both cars are tuned to perfection and beyond! Still doesn’t stop the parade of car parts coming into the house… I have threatened that the next house we own will have a delivery door that leads right to his garage…
Another amusing one here… Yes, men need many hammers, because often when confronted with an unexpectedly difficult fix it problem, a man’s first thought is “I need a bigger hammer.” So since there will always be unexpectedly difficult fix it problems, there will always be a need for a bigger hammer. This results in hammer mass proliferation, in an increasingly larger scale of hammer sizes. I realize that this probably makes no sense to you, because you are not a man, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand a senseless strategy.
I have a true admiration for fire extinguishers. They are not like those Chicken Little smoke alarms always wailing about nonexistent fires, but instead, they are ready to fight the real fires, as an implement of decisive action dedicated to do battle with and then defeat the enemy. If I was not a man, I would be proud to be a fire extinguisher, and one that is well hung and always ready for action.
Heeee Chris :). If you were a well hung fire extinguisher I’m sure you would look real good in braces. As for the hammer issue, I think you just answered the question about whether size actually does matter.
Oh yeah, just a dream come true in braces; that would be me as a fire extinguisher. 🙂
And there is absolutely no doubt that size does matter, and most of all when it comes to a man’s hammer. If you were a four inch framing nail, would you want to be pounded by one of those little tack hammers? I don’t think so!
😀
Where do I even begin! I think it’s their idea of flowers, but more useful than something that will die in a week and after the initial shock…useful. As for the fire extinguisher….under the sink and out of site.
Funny you mention flowers and death. That’s exactly hubby’s justification for not buying any except under sufference.
I hope the fire extinguisher for the kitchen wasn’t also the BIG RED ONE. It should be compact and efficient, and…fit underneath the sink. Teehee.
Yep, it was the big red one. Clearly we are expecting some humungous blazes :).
We’ve got one that looks brand new like yours…….if we ever need to use it I’m sure we’ll either
1. Forget where it is, or
2. Can’t work out how to activate it so we’ll have to resort to the garden hose.
I haven’t even looked into the complexity of using the red monster. Will need to consider that. Hope you never get into a position where there are water restrictions, although I’m guessing that fire prevention would probably be an exception.