Masculinity and Women of Hard Headed Repute #zerotohero

The [lazy?] days of Summer and the Zero to Hero assignments seem to be whizzing by.

Time to don the cape, the super hero boots and the golden lasso and practice leaping off a few blog posts in a single bound.

Most of the assignments since I last checked in have involved blog tinkering including adding some widgets, Spring cleaning of the blog’s about page and side bar and honing commenting skills. However, there are a couple of assignments that require a blog post

Day 12:  write a post that builds on one of the comments you left yesterday. Don’t forget to link to the other blog!

Day 16: publish a post based on your own, personalized take on today’s Daily Prompt. The Prompt on the day being:

Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?

In the interests of energy conservation, I am going to combine the two assignments in this one post.

On day 12, I commented on a wonderful post by BTG who blogs at musingsofanoldfart. The post entitled, I Am Looking for a Hard Headed Woman discussed the lyrics of the Cat Stevens’ song of the same name and gave BTG’s take on what a “hard headed woman” means to him, drawing particularly on two lines of the song:

  • one who will take me for myself
  • one who will make me do my best

and finally counting his blessings in having married a hard headed woman. It was a heartfelt post from a blogger who uses his vast knowledge of music and lyrics to shine a spotlight on the more meaningful events of a human life.

touch womanIt is extremely refreshing to see a male acknowledge his love and appreciation for a hard headed woman. I firmly believe that most men love a hard headed woman, but there is something in the ‘How Men Should Act Code” that prevents them from publicly making this admission. But have a think about it, how many families do you know where the wife/woman leads the way? She may not do it openly for a clever woman knows never to make her mate feel emasculated, but how many times is she truly the family brains trust? How many times is she the resilient one, how many times is she the one that pushes the family beyond its collective comfort zone and introduces it to novel experiences? How many times does she credit her mate with spearheading the charge?

So what does being heard headed woman mean to me?

A hard headed woman is one who is willing to make decisions – tough, easy, makes no difference, there is no inertia with a hard headed woman. She is one who is less worried about chipping a nail and more about rolling up her sleeves, one who owns the consequences of her actions and omissions, one who will defend her family no matter what, one who moves the family forward with due thought and care but who does not feel the need for ask for permission and one who knows where she is going.

She makes her mate feel central to her processes and tries to cloak her sterner stuff in feminine warmth and softness.

As the song says one who makes her mate do his best.

If I could choose to have a reputation it would be as a hard headed woman in the manner I have described. Have I achieved it? UnderestimatingThat’s impossible to answer as it is akin to asking someone to answer their own “Does my bum look big in this?” question. Just like it is difficult to see how one’s own backside looks, it is very difficult to judge one’s own reputation. To do so would necessitate holding up a mirror to one’s interactions with others and interpreting what is reflected back. A rather inaccurate process.

Thank you BTG for making the admission about hard headed women. It is hoped that more men take your lead and publicly confess to their secret appreciation for us. A hard headed woman is a perfect complement to a strong, soft hearted man. A note to you men, strong and soft heartedness are not mutually exclusive. In a woman’s eyes you can be both and perhaps the collective male psych will evolve one day to also reach that happy place.

For further reference, read The New Manhood by Steve Biddulph. Also, a must read for mothers with sons.

About the curtain raiserhttp://raisingthecurtain.netI have spent my life in offices. For now I am putting that behind me and preparing for the second act. Middle age didn't come with acceptable signposts so I am making my own through my writing. A journey shared is more fun than going it solo.

19 thoughts on “Masculinity and Women of Hard Headed Repute #zerotohero

  1. Unfortunately, for me, ‘Hard headed’ can also mean ‘Doesn’t suffer fools gladly’, ‘Stubborn’ or just ‘Not very nice’.

    However I do approve of someone that pushes their other half to do better. We should all encourage each other to do better, get more from life and be happier.

    I also want my partner to be strong in all ways and not just limply follow me around.

    Thanks for a thought provoking post! 🙂

    • Thanks equally for a thoughtful comment. I understand that the expression “hard headed” can have negative connotations, but at the end of the day a little stubbornness and a no suffering fools gladly attitude may be what’s needed to bring out the best in someone. Sycophants never did anyone any good in the long run. Thanks also for visiting my blog 🙂

  2. I think you are strong – hard headed – hmm has a slightly different connotation doesn’t it? At your description I think I am a HHW also, I certainly roll up my sleeves – 6 hours of hammering ceramic tiles off concrete and chicken wire today proved it! Well done on your continued zero to hero lovely. xx

  3. There are times I can be hard-headed and other times where I’m content to take a backseat. Perhaps that’s why my marriage works. On the other hand, as you allude to, my husband is probably the better one to ask in this situation. 😉

    • See, a smart woman knows when to be hard-headed and when to take the back seat. I think that’s essential to making a marriage work. Different situations call for different strengths, a lesson that took me a long time to learn.

  4. Judy, thank you for the shout out and your kind words. When you first hear Cat Steven’s lyrics, your first instinct is the negative connotation with hard-headed, be it a woman or man. Yet, when I dove deeper into the words, it painted the picture you describe so well above and I attempted to do so in my post about my wife of 28 years. Encouraging a spouse to pursue something and tell them you are good enough to try this, is a form of hard-headed support for your mate.

    Having read your posts for well over a year, I believe you are a kindred spirit to my bride. So, let’s clink our glasses in a toast to all HHW around the world. May you find a suitable HHM. All the best and many thanks, BTG

    • I also raise my glass to you and your wife and your wonderful writing and outlook to life. And to all HHW, wherever they are. {virtual clink}. HHW connotes strength and softness all rolled into one to me and the ability to stay focused no matter what. Thanks also for your wonderful sentiments.

  5. The term ‘heard headed woman’ always made me think the negative but I like how you have taken another approach. Indeed, many women are the glue that binds and leads and steers with the help of a good man. 🙂

  6. I think the term ‘hard headed’ is a little too restrictive and leads me to think of inflexibility and an unwillingness to compromise……unhelpful elements in any relationship.
    Blogging has enabled me to take the time to write about and really appreciate the part Mrs GOF has played in my life during the last 34 years.

    • Congrats on 34 years and cheers to Mrs GOF. We are coming up to 25 years. The expression does have those sorts of connotation, but sometimes you need some inflexibility and firmness when your other half is talking themselves out of something.

  7. Great take on the challenge! I like that song but never really thought too much about it. I’ve been looking around at other peoples posts for the challenge since I haven’t been able to think of anything much to say myself. I definitely agree with your comment about judging your butt and your reputation. 😉
    I think maybe I’m in the position of not wanting to look very hard at either one of them.

  8. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Blogger of Repute | Nola Roots, Texas Heart

  9. Pingback: Zero to Hero Day 20: Add a New Page | The Dragon's Lair

  10. I like your positive twist on the “Hard Headed” attribute. Even without the new twist that you have put on it, I would always have described myself as hard headed, at times too stubborn/confrontational. The change came for me when I met my fiance and started our family, I have started to learn how to be “hard headed” and soft at the same time, although I’m sure I have still plenty more to learn.

I would really love to hear what you have to say. C'mon.. you know you want to!

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