The quote for today goes to the heart of what living imperfectly currently means to me. I’ve been writing about authenticity for the last nine days and I’m about to take a huge step in that direction by admitting that the weight of duty is currently weighing heavily. This is not an easy admission to make, because my sense of perfection is all wrapped up in duty, or more specifically the discharge of it.
I have never been the type of person who can ‘play” knowing there are things that have to be done. By things, I don’t mean housework things, I can happily let ironing, washing and cooking slide, except when they directly relate to family occasions. By things I mean work things, social obligation things, parental obligation things, wife obligation things and daughter obligations things. Seems like a lot of things to juggle before I can get anywhere near me time.
Except now I have started to become a lot more discerning in relation to those duties that really are to be given priority. This is largely because these duties involve being around people who don’t bring anything to my table. They judge, they gossip, they certainly don’t support and they don’t do things. It is extremely small-minded to comment on other people doing things from the safety of your comfort zone. The way I see it, judging others is a past time for those who seek distraction from the mundane or who don’t have the courage to face up to the issues in their own life. The gratification that comes from believing you are superior or from grading someone else’s life or performance against your exacting standards is short-lived and misconceived. It might kill time and serve as a bonding tool, but what kind of healthy relationship can you have built on negativity? Just look at female cliques as a typical example.
And that equally goes for judging ourselves and the relationship we have with ourselves. How can you have a healthy relationship with yourself 
built on negativity?
There are therefore no jewels in judgement.
If someone wants to be held hostage to their own fears that is entirely a matter for them. However, it does not mean that I have to be held hostage to them as well. I have a choice and for the moment my choice is no.
Which means there is some unavoidable jettisoning of relationships and the judgements and negativity that go with them. Which also goes against the grain of my strive for perfection. The perfection paradox is multi-layered indeed.
Raising the Curtain 
Man, I wish you’d given me this advice about 4 years ago. It took me forever to cut off a longtime friendship that had deteriorated to little but talk behind the back of other friends we’d just been with!
I hated it, but (for many reasons) couldn’t break free. When I finally mustered the courage and resolve to “break up” and explained about the negative backstabbing, her reply? “But that’s what we do.”
I knew right then she’d never been the friend I thought she was, and that breaking it off was the right thing.
So much food for thought on your blog. I will come back to read the rest of your posts at leisure. Good luck with the rest of the challenge. Oh, and I absolutely love the section on “What this blog is about” 🙂
“J” for ‘jettisoning’ those people that are not serving us well. This post is great.
By the way, I too am one who also cannot ‘play’ until all those responsibility things are done (and of course they never will all be done). When you find a cure for this character trait, please let me know.
Great post, I’m so with you here! I find this especially difficult in work places, where there often are some people thriving on negativity, and pointing to the faults of others. Energy poorly spent, and it risks to drain the work process from good energy too. There is a balance to find, between ignoring it without isolating yourself.
Oh to have me time…. I could be more prolific in my response but I am tired, so I’m taking a bit of me time and giving a short answer. I don’t know how you are managing to keep these posts going and keeping the interest up, very clever little chook you are 🙂 x
Again, you’ve hit on another great expression – there are no jewels in judgement. A thoughtful and articulate post. This is a lesson we all need to be reminded of periodically as we let the negativity creep back in while we’re not paying attention.
I totally agree, and I love the intro quote. However, “perfectionist” wouldn’t have been the label I had tacked to such people who judge everybody.
I really enjoy in indulging to dissect their flawed and *inherently inconsistent* arguments and ways of applying judgement (to others, not to themselves) – their theories can be punctured quite easily by somebody who is a perfectionst of a more nerdy kind 🙂
“There are therefore no jewels in judgement.”
And that’s the truth….applies equally to judging others and yourself. Having suffered and recovered from a brief period of severe depression, I know that unjustified and relentless self-criticism has the potential to kill you from the inside.