As most of you know this is my third A to Z Challenge and every year this sneaky letter K causes me grief. This year is no different and I’ve really grappled with this K post. I’ve never thought about K as being a problem letter, but clearly this is a lesson in imperfection teaching me to park my expectations at the door.
Keeping it real has always been a big one for me. I have always firmly believed that building meaningful relationships is all about trust, of which one of the central pillars is meaning what you say and saying what you mean. Clearly this is not always the easiest path to take and at times can be quite a solitary journey. There are other times when I meet a kindred spirit on that road and that’s when I can really feel the friendship flow and that sense of connection. There are yet others when people at first blush appear to be the real deal, but scratch a little below the surface and you know you are dealing with a pretender.
Keeping it real to me also means:
- not having to appear busy to increase my worthiness
- keeping commitments that I have made, but being discerning about making them
- not being afraid to express myself respectfully
- trying new things and laughing at failure
- backing myself and knowing I am the real deal
- understanding my value proposition
- rolling up my sleeves to get the job done
- helping people when and where I can
- owning my part in an outcome and not blaming others for my own failures
- eliminating passive aggression from my life.
That last one in particular is a big one for me right now. I deserve crave authentic communication. Real discourse that gets to the heart of an issue/problem so we can get on with the business of fixing it or going our separate ways if that is an option.
What makes keeping it real also hard is that we don’t want people to perceive we are selfish when we practice it. However, the reality is that although we like to think we can control perception, we can’t because by its very nature it is derived from another’s thoughts.
In the end, I believe it costs us more to be what others want us to be than it is to keep it real. It takes real energy to constantly mould and play into others’ expectations. I’d rather channel that energy in becoming acquainted with myself and to manage my own expectations.
Raising the Curtain 
Hopefully by choosing to live authentically, people’s perceptions of us will more closely match our true meanings. But as you say, we can’t control others’ perceptions. We can only control our own actions, so we might as well put our focus there.
We lose ourselves when we try to be something other than we are for the sake of someone else. Nothing is worth that.
LuAnn Braley
AJ’s Hooligans @AtoZChallenge
Back Porchervations
You expressed yourself so well in this piece. The older I get, the more I realize how difficult it is for all humans to “keep it real”. Many don’t care whether it’s real; many never ask whether it’s real; and many are not willing to settle for anything less than real. I don’t think of being selfish as much as being self-caring. I’m far happier alone.
Love the e e comings quote! And the last paragraph of your post really hit home for me. Well said!
Madeline @ The Shellshank Redemption
Minion, Capt. Alex’s Ninja Minion Army
The 2014 Blogging from A-Z Challenge
Hi Judy, i am visiting you blog first time and i really liked what you have said. So simple and straight from heart. Nice to meet you. You got one follower. Visit us sometime to participate in ranting of first time mother.
http://sinhasat302.blogspot.in/
You sound like a deep thinker. I’m one of those too. I love having those conversations that go late into the night and transverse the deep issues we never dare touch on in regular conversation.
True Heroes A to Z
I’ve never felt the need to comply with anyone else’s expectations which goes some way to explaining my weirdness. ‘Reality’ and ‘keeping it real’ will always be difficult to nail down, and be subject to change as we grow older.
” laughing at failure”….I have to work on this……at the moment I’m still at the swearing and blaming the cosmos phase. 🙂
So true…and it’s a lesson I’ll never quite learn, I guess…especially the part about not trying to fit what other people want me to be.
Visiting you from the A to Z challenge sign-up page. Great to meet you!
Stephanie Faris, author
30 Days of No Gossip
http://stephie5741.blogspot.com