Ever wondered what it would be like to have special effects, close-ups and other show production techniques at your disposal in real life? Here’s what I’ve thought about:

1. Fade to Black – definitely useful for when that accidental clanger is dropped or when you need an opportunity to digest some piece of information before responding. The fade to black button would come with two options, one for freezing time so that the fade in would start at the time as the fade out was triggered or one for continuing in real time so that the fade in comes in a time suitable to you. No more awkward moments… ever.
2. Time Lapse Photography – for all those times when patience has run out and you just want to cut to the chase of the consequences of your decisions. Time never has to wait for no man ever again.
3. Makeup! – having a professional make up artist on standby for all those shiny moments. Excuse me please, I just need to call for some makeup. After all, confidence is everything,
4. Mood Lighting – for when your makeup artist is otherwise disposed or you absolutely cannot handle sunlight.
5. Background Music – to warn you of danger up ahead, mirror your mood or just to make sense of the world around you. The Jaws music would definitely come in handy on a trip to the beach or the Close Encounters of a Third Kind theme when meeting someone green.
6. The Close Up – definitely useful for all those WTF moments when appropriately combined with the Fade to Black technique. Also helps when one of your children ask you something painfully obvious that you have told them multiple times before.
7. Cut! – for all those times you wished you could do it all again or when you knew you were pushing something uphill.
8. Preview – a private screening with a select focus group would come in very handy for all those “Does My Bum Look Big In This” moments.
9. Wardrobe Department – possibly in lieu of number 8, although much higher maintenance than a screening room.
10. Applause and Canned Laughter – I mean who doesn’t want these, seriously?

With just a little help we could all be the Oscar winners in our own life production.

What would you add to this list?