Today I Give Myself Permission to Question #atozchallenge

Letetr QThis permission may sound somewhat similar to my C permission which was to be curious. But it’s not. Whilst there might be some overlap, given it always important to ask questions to understand extrinsic factors and events, I believe questioning as somewhat different to curiosity, Questioning has more of an element of the intrinsic and is more about testing personal assumptions and long held beliefs.

There are things in life we all just want to do by rote. Tieing shoe laces, using a telephone, brushing teeth and walking are a few examples. The amount of mental energy we wish to expend on these activities is minimal because that way we can save it for the good stuff. Washing hands used to also be one of these activities until the nasty union of tap manufacturers decided to get together and make most modern taps in public washrooms an IQ test! There’s nothing worse than standing in front of a basin with hands that need washing in a state of confusion trying to find something to turn or press to make the magical water appear only to be faced with plain porcelain. And that will be the very time that the bathroom is empty so that you can’t even follow another innocent handwasher’s lead. What do you mean the basin has a sensor?

Then there are those things in life you want to do by choice. That’s conscious, well informed choice and not by default or out of habit. This is where questioning comes in, a necessary link in the chain of progress and Questioning Chimpchange.

And for most of us middle age is a time when questioning comes to the fore as we start challenging the assumptions which have determined the direction of our lives up to this point. To me, this is a good thing, although the process can be quite unsettling at least until we have replaced those of the old set of assumptions that no longer serve us with a new set and the way forward becomes clearer.

If you are a parent or have been exposed to young children of about 4 years of age, you probably will remember that (mostly) wonderful stage when said child or children start every sentence with “why” or similar.

You may have heard or received some of these classics:

If ghosts can walk around, and go through doors, why don’t they fall through the floor?

Why do cats have 9 lives?

Was everything in black and white in the olden days?

By asking these questions children start to expand their worlds and test the assumptions they hold as a result of mommy and daddy having taught them what to assume. It’s a sign that they are thinking, processing and growing.

As adults, we should continue to question and grow. Whilst the pace of growth is not as high as in children, continue to grow we must, especially if our lives have gotten to the point where we do most things out of habit. How many times have you heard or said “I wish I had done this sooner”? If you don’t question, you will never get to why you do something and you will never be able to change it.

Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to behaviours. We need to question not only the thoughts that lead us to habitual behaviour but also understand what is the payback we receive from these behaviours. If being comfortable is the payback, then that’s absolutely fine as long as it is a conscious choice.

Many of the assumptions that have worked for me to date, no longer hold true. I am in the midst of questioning a majority of them and I do so without guilt. The weight of others’ expectation no longer prevents me from questioning. I may not have all the answers, in fact I may never have any. But at least I have thought and questioned.

I am, therefore I question.

complicated questions

Today I give myself permission to question.

What’s the funniest question from a child you have aver heard? Do you ever have to think about using a tap? Have you ever questioned a critical assumption?

 

Would You Want To Know The Halfway Point?

Firstly, thanks for embracing my Forest for The Trees post. I received some wonderful feedback on it and I am delighted that it resonated with many of you. Sometimes all it takes is to know that there is another human going through the same things or feeling the same emotions to lighten the load. If I have done that, even in a small way, then I’m happy.

Secondly, please forgive my absence of comments on some of your blogs. My Reader is having trouble updating and I am missing a lot of your blog posts. I’m going to have a crack at fixing the problem when I return from my next road trip which starts tonight. I m planning to return with some more great photos to share with you every Monday.

In the meantime, I’d like to leave you with these thoughts. Having reached middle age, I have a real sense that what has worked for me for the first forty something years of my life is not going to work for me for the next forty something. A very big part of Raising the Curtain is finding things, thoughts, methods and means that will work going forward.

One of my favorite quotes is from Soren Kierkegaard:

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.

 

I am finding this quote has particular relevance at this middle stage of life.

Looking back, I can see that my discontent (for want of a better word) was building for the last three years. My thinking until recently was to just push through that discontent, but the personal price became too high. So I made some changes and will be making some more until recalibration has been achieved. Life has a way of throwing us pointers for our big decisions. The trick is to have your mind and heart open to recognise the signs and to appreciate them even if they point in a direction you haven’t before considered.

On my forest for the trees hike, I came across this sign:

At the time, finding it gave me comfort. It negated a lot of the variables that related to the walk we were taking – time, distance and energy required. It also confirmed we were on the right track.

It started me thinking (always dangerous!) as to whether it would be a good thing to have a similar sign pop up in our life’s journey so that we could be confident in living it and understanding it moving forward. Think about some scenarios:

    • Waiting for that train or bus
    • Waiting in that long queue, whether on the phone or in person
    • Waiting for your mate or significant other to come into your life or commit, whether that’s soul made, spouse, best friend, good friend
    • Knowing when you will have children
    • Knowing how long you have to endure ill/good health
    • Knowing how long you have to spend with a parent or other loved one
    • Knowing how long you will have to toil before you achieve that dream
    • Knowing how long you have above ground

Would you want to know the half way point?

Instinctively my answer for each of these scenarios would be yes. But this begs the next question:

Would knowing make a positive difference to your actions?

Knowing would certainly make planning easier and possibly bring some comforting validation, depending on which scenario applied. BUT I can’t help thinking that knowing in some of these scenarios would preempt certain negative outcomes, particularly if the halfway point is further than you expected.

The first two scenarios are “no-brainers”. I think we would all want to know the half way point. But what about the others?

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net

For example, would knowing how much time you have left on earth help you maximise that time or would you constantly feel under pressure to maximise every moment and be let down if you didn’t? Would you get the life equivalent of the 4pm Sunday afternoon work blues if you knew? Would you be discouraged or encouraged by reaching the halfway point?

Surely, the answer is individual for all of us.

Would I want to know?  Possibly not, living life forward and only understanding it backwards may just be enough in the long run. For now, the journey lies in TRYING to understand. The process of reaching for that brass ring may just yield more dividends than the brass ring itself.

Would you want to know the halfway point?

Halfway (rachaelrossman.com)