Category Archives: Life and Family

Take a NY Times Bestseller And Twist: Cracked Book Titles

Every good woman deserves a fabulous hair treatment once in a while. This good woman had exactly that earlier this week after a prolonged dry spell. For there comes a point in time when an ever expanding regrowth just needs to be dealt with and the good woman needs to catch up on her magazine reading. For some unknown reason this good woman only ever reads print magazines at the hairdressers or in doctor’s offices.

The trip to the hairdressers prompted me to think about books because of course any trip by a normal person to the hairdressers would. Books made me think about Fifty Shades of Grey because the Fifty Shades trilogy seems to have taken over the universe. It is everywhere, at least in these parts, and I see also on the NY Times bestseller list. In my mind and on that day, hairdressers and Fifty Shades Of Grey were braided together because it is a book title that begs to be word-played with.

For your entertainment pleasure, I present to you my list of recently created cracked book titles. All of these are based on books that are currently on the NY Times best seller lists and inspired by my hairdressing trip.

Perspectives on Hairdressing: Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Yards of Foil  – ammonia free and gets to the very roots of the industry. Offers a rare top of the head perspective on all things hairdressing, free scalp massage included.

Perspectives on Blind Installation: Fifty Shades Darker with Wooden Slats – a story full off hangups. Pull up a chair and drape yourself in the inside story on shutters versus blinds, wooden versus aluminium. Come, darken your world.

From The Magic of the Electric Eel to Fifty Shades Freed: Highlights of a Plumbing Career  – Marvel at the electric eel and its flexibility to fit around your S bend. Admire the men and women who plumb your depths and never leave home without a plunger. Free can of room freshener provided with every copy.

A Game of Thrones: The Diamond Jubilee and Beyond. Based on the book,  A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. Self explanatory and I thank Her Majesty in advance for the long weekend we are about to receive in honour of her not-real birthday.

Memoirs of a Teacher in the New Millenium: A Dance with Parental Dragons and Wizards. Based on the book, A Dance With Dragons by George R.R. Martins and the sequel, In the Garden With Beasts And Sporting Parents, based on In the Garden with Beasts by Eric Larson. We have all seen this sort of unruly behaviour at schools and school sporting fixtures. Get the inside scoop on how to deal with parents behaving badly.

Vision in White: Memoirs of Waiting Patients Who Made An Appointment. Based on the book Vision in White by Nora Roberts. 1,000 pages of easily digestible memoirs that can be devoured in one sitting whilst you wait to see your doctor for that scheduled appointment.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet: Tales From a Teenage Crash Pad,  Fondly Known as The Parental’s Home. Based on the book, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford. Both perspectives are covered in this one authoritative volume. The author gains real insight into the teenage mind…. prepare to be dazzled and waited on and get your laundry done. On the other hand, be prepared to be bemused as you see only the back of your teenage child as he races out the door. Learn to recognise the signs that your teenage child actually spent some time at home… the empty fridge, the laundry over the floor and crumbs on the kitchen bench… bitter and sweet in one entertaining package.

This is what happens when I go to the hairdresser…. you have now been warned. Any writers out there who are struggling to come up with book titles, I’m free most weeknights…

Do you have any other cracked book titles you wish to add to the list? What do you look forward to about a trip to the hairdresser? Do you have hair or do you miss it?

Mid-Life: Where Empowerment Meets Confusion

The Universe has been sending me a few signals lately that I need to return to the original theme of my blog, namely the journey through middle age. OK, Universe, I hear you and as always I am your humble servant.

Firstly, the ladies at Lipstick Rhetoric wrote two wonderful blog posts about middle life. In one they ask whether a mid-life crisis is tied to paid employment and whether as a result it is only a recent phenomenon in women  and in the other they write about a mid-life career crisis and whether this is attributable to the general midlife crisis phenomenon. Both of these posts resonated and I believe that the more people talk about this topic the better. All of us may be pioneers in our own lives and journeys, but none of us are pioneers in the wider sense. Ask enough questions, read and hang out long enough and you will come across those experiencing the same feelings, asking the same questions. Let’s use this wonderful technology to laugh, communicate and support each other and I don’t just mean the women. Men, your input into this issue is important, valuable and extremely necessary. I know it’s difficult for men to overcome the notion that they must remain strong, but men, let me tell you, there is no weakness in talking about this. Rather there is an honesty and level of self awareness that should be applauded. After all, that is the first step to change.

Furthermore, the only certainty in life besides death and taxes is that nothing is actually certain. Anything can change in a blink of an eye. To me, middle age, more than any other stage, teaches you how to deal with uncertainty to prepare you for the trials and tribulations you are bound to encounter in old age. It teaches you to question more deeply and that good planning will only get you so far. It gives you the confidence necessary to deal with the consequences of your decisions and to shed those parts of your skin that no longer work for you. Those that use middle age wisely can be reborn. Those that don’t will continue to struggle. Wisdom will usually require some tough decision and facing of fears.

There are some days when I feel like this

The second sign came from an article in our popular press over the weekend on how some Australian high-profile women are positively facing middle age. The article focused on women aged between their early forties to their early fifties, which of itself was an eye opener for me. I always wrongly held the notion that mid-life crisis point was only reached from the age of forty five but I suspect that soon we will be dropping the word “mid” from “mid-life crisis” and that more and more people will start their questioning and catharsis at an earlier age.  The impetus for this comes from several areas  – there are many more life style options that are available today and society in general has a more tolerant view on people embracing lifestyles and workstyles that are not considered to be conventional, if not totally alternate.  In that sense, these are exciting times.

I agree with the article that there are a lot of positives about middle age. I admit to a degree of trepidation at turning forty after I was too exhausted preparing for children when I turned thirty. But as my forties have worn on in terms of physicality, self-confidence and energy, I am embracing this decade like none before. After decades of trying, I finally have my weight under control and am embracing everything I can about finally being in proportion, including self confidence. What joy to have finally arrived at this point!!

I have concluded that middle age is that stage when empowerment meets confusion, rather than a number. There is no doubt the search of answers can be disconcerting, particularly if you had absolute direction to this point. The difficulty lies in realigning your life’s compass, after all you know so much more now than when you initially set it. True north, though, is still true north!

The hard part for me is finding the time and space to strategize about my own life whilst still being there for my family.  These are the absolute truths I have discoved about  middle age:

    • rebirth is not easy
    • strategizing takes time
    • you can’t strategize effectively with other noise in your head
    • you can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime
    • you can’t turn the Titanic around without affecting the position of other nearby boats
    • a mid-life crisis is harder on the partner not going through it.

The reference to “Titanic” here is as a symbol for a large ship, not a sinking one!

Like I said at the start of my blog, I am not a self-help guru and I have no wish to preach at anyone. I hope by outlining my thoughts and feelings about my own journey others may feel less alone, less disconcerted. There is much strength to be gained from solidarity and discussion. And if a friendship or two develops along the way, so much the better.

Have you discovered any truths or insights about mid-life? I would love to hear from you.

Saturday Soapbox: Where Have All Our Leaders Gone?

Warning: This post is a little heavier than my usual fair and is about politics, although it is not political. If you don’t like to read about politics then jump off here.

We live in difficult times. Difficult from the point of view of uncertainty, both in terms of the emergence of a new world order and in economic terms. It is at these times people look to leaders, not so much for the answers to their problems, but for inspiration and motivation to find the answers to their problems.

Firstly, some terminology. In my mind there is a clear distinction between managers and leaders. Managers are responsible for delivering tasks and outcomes, they steer a process. Whilst a manager can also be a leader, managing and leading require different skills and it is rare that you find those skill sets together. There is some overlap at the centre between the skill sets, but at the edges, a leader has to have something more. Further, a leader does not necessarily have to be a good manager, rather he has to have the confidence and intelligence to delegate to good managers.

A leader has to have vision and to be able to articulate and paint that vision in a way that makes it real. A genuine leader:

    • follows when necessary and steps to the front where necessary
    • listens as much as she speaks
    • is a pupil as much as he is a teacher
    • has respect for all people no matter their culture, socio-economic circumstances, physical features or religion
    • behaves graciously
    • has confidence with humility
    • values imput from others.

Coincidentally, the quote on my desk calendar today comes from Mahatma Gandhi, who was a leader:

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

This quote is particularly apposite to the topic of this post.

Australia’s system of government is modelled on the English Westminster system. The people elect members to the upper and lower houses of parliament as their representatives who debate policy and pass laws. The government is chosen from the party who has the majority of seats in the lower house. Debates are highly adversarial and members often grandstand, call each other names and point score – an eye for an eye. All of this may be tradition and somewhat theatrical, some might even say entertaining, but to me it is lamentable. There are ways of conveying a point of view, graciously and respectfully without personally attacking anyone. The whole show reminds me of a badly behaved kindergarten class where the Speaker kindergarten teacher has lost control. The behaviour is not confined to any one side of politics or any gender.

Just think if we brought this sort of behaviour into the boardroom, nothing would get done. Apart from the fact that everyone would be suing everyone else for defamation, people would be highly distracted by the theatrics and the real task at hand would be forever postponed.

Outside of parliament, our politicians are constantly selling their vision/message to the people. I use the term selling deliberately because the spin is nauseatingly dizzying. Sugar coating is for bakeries, not for government. The populace is not stupid, nor do they need to be patronized. If there is a bitter pill to swallow, I would rather be told straight by someone I respect and who at the same time as delivering the pill delivers the vision for dealing with the affects of that pill.

I believe the dearth of genuine leaders and authentic leadership is responsible for the close call elections and hung parliaments around the world. Australia itself has no clear governing majority party, the Labor government relies on deals with a handful of independents, Greece is returning to the polls after an equivocal election and England is also governed by a coalition government after its 2010 general election.

What example are we setting for our future parliamentarians?

Where has the leadership gone, where are all the leaders hiding? Where are all the authentic men and women with genuine presence, dignity and vision? We need you on all sides of politics, this is a call to arms and there’s not a moment to lose.

A Letter To My Son: Reflections On A Journey

When Steve Jobs passed away I, along with millions of others, watched his Stamford 2005 Commencement Address on YouTube. Whatever else you may think of Steve Jobs, his words in that speech were profound and the message strong and important. I have always wondered what I would say to a graduating class if asked. I know the request is in the mail and one day the postman will discover my mail box. I’m right here, see… waiving at you!

An opportunity arose recently for me to write a letter to my 17 year old son, reflecting on the impending conclusion of his formal school education and journey through the books…. and stationery. Let’s not forget the stationery, you’re looking at a HUGE fan of stationary. Stationery porn is so evil and so, so goooood! But I digress.

My son is in his last year of high school and facing the biggest academic test of his young life in November. Unlike the US, entry into university here is usually totally based on the score in this particular exam (called the HSC), which takes place at the end of year 12. There are no individually tailored university entry applications, no essays and no interviews. You are a score, that’s it.

The school took the boys away on a 3 days retreat to reflect. As part of that retreat parents were asked to write a letter to their sons which was to be given to them on the last day as a surprise. This folks, is my kind of homework. At last I had the opportunity to articulate in the written word, my thoughts, hopes, aspirations and gratitude to my offspring.

Let me share a version of what I wrote. The letter is from both the Italian Stallion and I:

We were so glad when the school gave us an opportunity to write this letter to you. By the time you read this your retreat will be almost over and the next phase of your road to the HSC will begin. We hope you have had time to relax after the effort you put in for the “minis” and to think about not only the future, but how far you have come since starting Kindergarten in 2000.

We know that this is both an exciting and scary time for you.  Exciting because the end of your school years draws ever closer and come late November you will be able to ditch the uniforms and structure that has been with you for over twelve years. But with the excitement, there must also be a degree of trepidation about having to take responsibility for your academic future, about stepping into the adult world and all the inherent responsibility that those steps bring. You have every right to these emotions – they are a natural part of this phase of your life.

As you contemplate your future, we want you to know that we are proud of you. Whilst the journey has not always been easy, the strides that you have made towards maturity and taking ownership of your decisions over the last 18 months or so have been wondrous to watch. You are becoming quite the young man, a witty, intelligent, sensitive (that’s ok, you don’t need to admit that last one) guy who understands the meaning of family and team. We know that no matter how hard Mum [me] tries, her cooking will never match your grandmothers’, but we truly appreciate how you act towards and deal with your grandparents. Then there is the relationship with your brother, a quirky little brother who looks up to you and for whom you look out for, even it if it is on the sly.

We hope you take with you in life the skills you have learned in baseball. One of Mum’s best memories of recent times has been on the drive with you to [XXXX]. Mum will never forget that you discovered live baseball streamed radio together and that she was with you when Albert Pujols made his debut for the Angels. Your baseball talents are many and whilst it has taken a back seat this year because of study, we know that if you want to pour your energies into it, you will succeed. Whether it is as an outfielder or a pitcher the baseball world is yours for the taking. But above all, we hope that you keep having fun with baseball.  Remember, no matter what T-shirts or baseball caps Mum wears, it’s Red Sox forever and we WILL get back to Fenway one day in the not too distant future.

So, as you approach the HSC and the culmination of 13 years of schooling, all we ask of you is that you approach these next six months with a view to doing your best and being the best you can possibly be. The final result doesn’t matter as long as you have done your very best. We say this because whilst the HSC is important, life will throw you bigger tests. The mark of a true man is how he faces these tests – results are always secondary. You should obviously aim to achieve the mark you need in the HSC for your chosen field of university study and put all your energy into that aim. However, the HSC is not the only gateway to achieving your academic goals, there are other less direct ways. The HSC gateway though is the one where you play centre stage, where you receive the maximum support and mentorship and takes the least amount of time. J, the HSC is both a test and an opportunity and we hope you see it as such.

Whatever you decide to do after school, we want you to be happy. Look inside yourself and identify your passions, the things that make your soul sing and follow the path where these shall lead. Live YOUR dreams and no-one else’s. For this, J is THE secret to happiness and fulfilment.

For the journey over the next six months, take with you our (and your brother’s) support, cheering from the sidelines and most of all, our love. Think big and dream large, your options are many. Thank you for being our son, for adding your uniqueness to our family. Thank you for making us laugh and keeping us on our toes. Thank you for being responsible and for (the most part) being a good example to your brother. Thank you for texting your Mum at 12.06am on new year’s eve to wish us happy new year on our first new year’s eve apart. These are the fundamentals that will make you the good man you are destined to be. You rock (even if your music sucks!).

We love you always

And the response? “It was good”. Three little words with such power that had me soaring.

What message would you send in similar circumstances?

Saturday Soapbox: Keeping It Real With Role Models

True it is that it is Sunday morning here, but in cyberspace everyday lasts 48 hours and it’s still Saturday somewhere – hello to all my West Coast US readers!

Earlier this week, I wrote about Nigella Lawson and how she seemed real to me as a domestic goddess. Nigella is in stark contrast to Martha Stewart who is about as real to me as a set of silicone implants. I am not talking about Martha’s appearance rather her approach to domesticity. With all due respect to Martha and her followers there is no way I am spending two hours a day folding my towels and sheets so that they form colour coordinated, scented sentinels at the ready. My linen cupboard, as a place for storing functional material, is a semi-organised lucky dip.

This got me thinking about the role models I have had and the women who have been seemingly trotted out to me as role models during my life. As most of you know, I am in my 40’s. I have read various articles which place the year of my birth anywhere in the late Baby Boomer category to the early Gen X basket and if that were not already confusing enough within something called “Generation Jones”. What is Generation Jones? I regard myself as a Gen Xer but whatever the label, I am amongst that generation of women who were led to believe we could have it all. Just how we were to have it all was the $64 million question.

I have spent my working life in a male dominated industry. When I started my career there were very few women in senior power positions and those who were did not seemingly have it all. They had parts of it, but never the whole box and dice. Even now, some two decades later, the statistics are sadly lacking in terms of senior women relative to the percentage of women in the industry as a whole. I will be upfront and say that I have never placed much credence in the view that there is a glass ceiling. There are a whole lot of reasons as to why the statistics are the way they are that have nothing to do with a glass ceiling – I won’t bore you with those reasons. Let’s just say the statistics are now trending in the right direction, albeit at a pace that is certainly not hare-like.

In all fairness to my industry they have tried to grapple with the lack of senior power women. Some of the measures employed include women’s networking functions, skilling and reskilling seminars for women and even affirmative action. I will be upfront again and say I am not a fan of any of these. The answer to me lies more with a change of culture and attitude towards flexible working practices – an issue, that with an aging population, will increasingly affect women AND men. But’s that’s a whole other blog post.

Time and again, I have sat at these functions listening to these supposed power women role models and thinking that people need to keep it real. There was one female executive who was paraded as a role model who indeed had reached the dizzying heights of corporate success whilst being a mother to three children. What became evident as she spoke was that she had a passel of nannies and other paid help and a schedule that enabled her to sleep four hours a night. Whilst I am very pleased that it worked for her, how many of us can function fully on only four hours sleep a night? I know I can’t. Also how many of us can afford paid help, especially at the start of our careers?

Yet another woman who travelled the world in her corporate guise had been married three times and had the reputation of a pit bull ball breaker. After hearing her story, not only was she not someone who I wished to model myself on, but she was someone with whom I could not identify. In saying that I make no judgement call on the reasons for remarriage/divorce or the state of being divorced. All I know is that it is not something to which I aspire.

Show me a woman who has a successful career, a family, gets at least seven hours sleep a night, is involved in her family’s lives, is personable and approachable and possibly has a bit of baby spit on the shoulder of her business suit and I am on board. I appreciate that everyone is different and that the issue is quite subjective, but it’s important that we keep it real for those that are coming behind us. There is way too much spin in the world already. Maybe the lesson here is that one can’t really have it all.

Right now my hands are fully occupied juggling balls that don’t include a perfect linen cupboard. Maybe by the time the perfect cupboard comes under my radar domestic science will have evolved to a degree where I can have my colour coded scented linen sentinels at the ready in under an hour. One can only hope.

Random Acts of Kindness for the Domestically Challenged

I dig Nigella Lawson. I really do. She’s my kind of domestic goddess.

From flikr.com
Saima’s photostream

Firstly, Nigella has a Master’s degree and secondly, she has had a succesful career as a journo, freelance writer and now cookbook author and television star. Most importantly, she seems real. If you ever watch her cooking shows, there’s something about them that makes you think you can do what Nigella does – you can raise children, have a meaningful career, cook interesting and nutritious food, be a real woman with body flaws and still laugh at life. I’m not sure whether it’s the real close, fast moving camera angles or the way Nigella throws in the ingredients with such aplomb and generally without measurement or much genteel preparation, but I think I could do a Nigella… but only just.

You may remember that about a month ago I wrote of my reluctance inability to co-ordinate colour, furniture and furnishings in my home. I’m afraid that nothing has changed in my abilities since.

What has changed though is that in the last couple of weeks I have become the proud owner of a new planter and new bathroom storage accessories in the form of a glass liquid soap dispenser and matching toothbrush holder. The planter appeared whilst I was on my recent road trip and now proudly holds a plant that has since produced two flowers. The bathroom accessories were given to me by an acquaintance who has been in my home many times to replace my plastic objects d’bath.

Two random acts of kindness to help me overcome my domestic challenges. Even the flowering plant seems happy!

I am now wondering whether my domestic happlessnes is so evident for all to see. Seriously, do these wonderful and kind people who gave me these gifts see a need that I haven’t fulfilled? Do they know what my house requires before even I have anticipated its needs? Am I that domestically inadequate that I need people to buy me practical gifts? What’s the message here?

The plastic thingies in the bathroom have worked perfectly fine until now. OK, the container that held the toothbrushes was a little cracked from the time when one son or other used the vessel for soccer practice and the plastic soap dispenser was off the shelf supermarket, circa 2009, but really…what was wrong with them? As for the planter, it has elevated the poor plant off the floor and I am told it catches the water from watering. It does look good and suited to the room it is in.

To these wonderful people who bought me these gifts I thank you. However, I never know how to take practical gifts. Also, it wasn’t my birthday or any special occasion. I don’t mean to be ungrateful but is it just my paranoia and domestic goddess insecurity that thinks there’s a double meaning here?

Whilst I ponder this question, I think I’ll whip up a quick batch of Nigella’s Instant Chocolate Mouse and go contemplate my antidomestic goddess afterlife.

I have to ask …. how do you feel about practical gifts?

Introducing Let’s Phlog Mondays…And Some Mood Music

Mondays, what use are they, really?

Mondays just can’t relax, they have to come at you a million miles an hour and then bammmm, smack you in the face. And if that’s not enough, Mondays like to announce their presence somewhere around 4pm Sunday afternoon to enhance your pleasure.

However, I do have some sympathy for Mondays. Mondays have one of the hardest gigs around as Saturdays and Sundays are such hard acts to follow. Mondays are the boot camp sergeants of the week constantly barking and getting us back into the routine to prepare us for the week ahead.

Feeling a bit manic?

Tell me why, folks…

What’s on your mind on Mondays?

Now that I’ve buttered you up with some Monday mood music, I’m here to introduce…Let’s Phlog Mondays. Every Monday I will feature a photograph of my world. I am just starting to experiment with camera apps and my city and country contain some wonderful photogenic subject matter. Hopefully some of the pictures will connect with you or otherwise cause you to have a reaction of some sort…whether good or bad. They might even take the manic out of your Monday and bury those Monday blues.

Welcome to a slice of my world and Let’s Phlog Mondays.

I took this with a simple smart phone camera app. No gimmicks, no edits. This is the photo in the raw. I simply love this capture…a case of being in the right place at the right time. This was taken about 5.00pm in mid May in a town called Yamba which is located in the Northern Rivers region of New South Wales, Australia. I was walking along the banks of the Clarence River when the sun started to set. The town has an amazing caravan park which shares this view. It was located behind me as I was taking the photo.

One word describes this photo:

PEACE

Hope your Monday is peaceful.

Saturday Soapbox: Taking Responsibility And Owning It

Here I am feeling all mellow and inspired from my road trip only to read about this piece of litigation lunacy.

Briefly, a Victorian student (let’s call her R) is suing her former high school in Geelong for failing to provide adequate academic support to enable her to gain entry into a prestigious law school in Sydney. In addition, R’s mother is suing the school for compensation for rent and loss of income from her fortune cookie business as a result of relocating to Sydney. R claims that she never felt adequately supported academically whilst at the school to enable her to REALLY excel. R was allegedly criticised for using words that were too long in her essays which lead to R losing confidence in her essay writing abilities. This loss reportedly caused R to become “quite distressed” when her English marks began to fall.

Created by Theodore Eadman
Law School Memes

Entry into this particular law school requires a student to effectively rank in the top 0.3% of all students in the State. Places are highly sought after and the university has produced some of Australia’s greatest jurists. However, it is by no means the only law school in Sydney and certainly not the only law school in the State.

With the greatest of respect to R, she is in denial, and no… it is not that river in Egypt.  I know what R must be thinking, this must be someone’s fault, right? There has to be someone to blame, someone has to pay because R’s life plan didn’t work out to the letter?

Somehow, somewhere along the way, we as individuals seem to have lost the art of owning the consequences of our actions. The notion that we are the masters of our own destiny seems to have been usurped by a notion that our destiny is controlled by those persons and institutions with whom we have had contact, particularly those with potentially deep pockets. These persons and institutions have somehow adopted a greater responsibility to us than we have for ourselves.

I have long been concerned about the current trend to constantly reward our children for just being. When my sons were in primary school they received merit awards for “being entertaining members of the class” and “for faultless class attendance”. Whilst they also received merit awards for good behaviour and academic achievement, I found these aforementioned “token” merits disturbing. To me there was nothing meritorious about them – they served no real purpose other than to enforce a sense of entitlement. Positive enforcement is one thing, but rewards should be reserved for achievement over and above the norm (including a person’s individual norm).

There are no guarantees in life and no guarantees to entry into law school or indeed, university. Entry is handed out on academic merit and students should not feel entitled to a place. It takes hard work, persistence and sometimes a detour or two before you get to where you want to go.  And sometimes, there is just no logical reason why a person makes it or doesn’t make it. Call it bad luck, bad timing or whatever….sometimes crap happens. Crap does not necessarily justify a legal remedy.

The case continues in August.

In the meantime, I leave you with these relevant fortune cookie sayings:

The world may be your oyster but it doesn’t mean you’ll get its pearl

Skill comes from diligence

Do not mistake temptation for opportunity

None of the secrets of success will work unless you do

And remember, dear readers ….this blog has a protective coating.

Have there been any court cases that have left you scratching your head?

Tawny’s blog and Tawny’s posts always carry a meaningful message and this one is no exception. I love Tawny’s outlook and so am reblogging this.

I came across a couple of wonderful sayings recently:
“Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear and discipline.”

“You can’t heal what you don’t confront”

Yes, yes a thousand time yes – to both!

So that said, what would I ask my fears if I invited them to dinner? “What is the essence of you that makes you so gripping?”

Can’t wait for the further instalments in Tawny’s Fear Act series.

thetawny's avatarThe Tawny's Blog

How does fear manifest itself in your life?  How do you deal with it once you recognize it? 

In Fear Act I, I shared a scenario to illustrate the sneaky nature of fear as it related to my attachment to my first baclofen pump.

I hadn’t expected the piece to mirror any relationship where fear creeps in, but was pleasantly surprised by the development because it does work the same way with everything.

We give others our personal power often in relationships.  Much the same way I gave my personal power to my first pump.  This is also what happens in depression, addictive behavior and with those who go from relationship to relationship.

Why do we do give away our power?  We do it for any number of reasons—insecurity, low self-worth, the belief that we need something or someone else to “complete” us, avoidance of looking inward, etc. 

Your…

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The Getting of Wisdom Road Trip

Confucius said:

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is the noblest; Second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and Third, by experience, which is bitterest.

Confucius was a smart guy. He obviously thought about stuff. Far be it for me to improve on Confucius, but I think that the third method of learning should not be the bitterest, but the bittersweetest (assuming that’s a word). To me learning always has an element of sweetness even if the lesson is forced upon you, because you have come away with something. The process may be unpleasant, the result not so much.

I am going on a road trip, something that I love. Living in a big city, there are not many occasions where I just get to drive on the open road, listening to music and savouring my inner dialogue. It’s one of my ways to get perspective, experience the new and possibly unexpected and see some of this great country. Here’s to the getting of wisdom through door number 1.

On this trip, I will be travelling to Queensland…..beautiful one day, perfect the next…. to visit a friend. I feel doubly lucky with this one, because at the end of the trip there will be more getting of wisdom though some much needed girlfriend therapy – open doors number 2 and 3!

Everyone needs to do something daily that feeds their soul. It can be something as simple as taking 20 minutes to get out of the artifice of air-conditioning, looking at flowers, breathing deeply, whatever…. I never used to make time to do that, thinking I was always too busy or that the feeding had to come through some grand, complex experience.

Now, it’s the single most important thing I do daily. My family relies on me to be there for them. I am the root, they are the tree. If the root is not healthy and fed, neither is the tree. It is my responsibility to ensure I get fed, other people can feed me, but they do not have an obligation to … they can be unreliable, even with the best of intentions and love in the world. A well fed, healthy root system gives back abundantly – more fruit, more shade, and more structure.

Love this – thanks zazzle.com.au

I’m leaving the males in my family behind as the guardians of the castle and can only hope that they don’t run out of paper and cordial. What’s that saying again about absence and heart fondness…?

The curtain raising bus is hitting the highway and is looking forward to coming back with some road trip widsom.

Happy mother’s day to all of the mum’s out there!!