On Bodies and Middle Age: Out of the Mouths of Not So Recent Babes

In the land of the future it’s now Sunday morning and this generally means weekend newspapers and a leisurely breakfast.

The front page of our paper today features a picture of a stunning Elle McPherson under which is written the headline “The Body at 50”. A quick turn to page 7 reveals that Elle turned the big 5-0 yesterday and that The Body still has the body. The article outlines her various business and fashion successes and notes that Time once named Elle the “body of our time”.

I am sure there was no consultation between our respective mothers back in 1964 when they chose to give birth to girls within a couple of months of each other. However, I have had the spectre of being the same age as Elle McPherson hanging over me since the dawn of my time. In what is a perfect case of ‘comparison could really be the thief of joy”, I have tried hard to avoid such folly.

There is no doubt Elle looks fabulous in her now half a century body. And why wouldn’t she? The article tells us she is a devotee of exercise via skiing, surfing, yoga, swimming and hiking, drinking three litres of water daily, completing 500 sit-ups and running up and down four flights of stairs five times every morning in her twenties – Sun Herald, 30 March 2014. If that’s the case, then Elle deserves the way she now looks.

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

Me? I am still struggling with the notion of being able to do 500 sit-ups and running up and down flights of stairs on a full bladder.

So in a moment of comparison insanity (because even the Curtain Raiser sometimes succumbs on weekends), I held up the front page photo next to my face and asked my eldest son “Do you think I could be confused with Elle McPherson?”

Not missing a beat, he replied “No mum, Elle McPherson is not good looking.”

Just goes to show there are some things that not even 500 daily sit-ups and three litres of water can buy you.

There are better things than being perfect, this is just one of them.

Come join me in April when I explore further the concept of being perfectly imperfect in the A to Z Challenge April Blogging Challenge.

Being Accosted Never Smelt So Sweet

Where does time go? I’ve turned around and its been a whole month since I last blogged.

In all fairness I have been thinking about blogs to write, flirting with poignant topics relevant to all of us battling a life crisis sandwich. For the uninitiated (and that would be most of you because I just made

picture from vaboomer.com

this up), a life crisis sandwich is the meal that comes from that special place where mid-life crisis meets teenage angst. And this past month has been spent dealing with that special place. I am not sure whether in this house, the adults have regressed or the teens have progressed, but whatever the case we are all dealing with change and questions. I think God must truly have a wicked sense of humour to coincide my offspring’s teenage years when they are questioning the meaning of life and their own existence with the very point at which their parents are doing the same. Two thumbs up there. May we all survive this test to reach what comes after the life crisis sandwich, namely the post apocalyptic fudge brownie.

At this stage, the fudge brownie remains just off into the distance. I can see it, sort of, if I squint long and hard enough and can almost smell it. Only a few more bites of the life crisis sandwich to go. My commiseration to all of you also experiencing the joys of the life crisis sandwich. I hope you now know you are not alone.

This gives you an idea of what I have been up to in the last month and why I haven’t blogged. Also good manners, because I would never blog with my mouth full, even if it’s just a no calorie life crisis sandwich.

All of this is a long-winded way of saying I really wanted my first post back to be poignant, but instead, dear readers, you are going to get this.

Over the past few months I have been accosted in my own home on several occasions. Not only me, but other members of my family have been similarly accosted. Every time it happens we reinforce that we need to be wary, keep our guard up and not let it take us by surprise. And we fail every time.

I see it perched up high on the picture rail or sometimes, just to keep us guessing, sitting on the side board. Watching, waiting, ready to pounce. Light blinking, nozzle pointed, waiting to expel its deadly gas. The minute a body comes into view, nay even before that, the minute the air pressure changes to indicate a moving being, it aims, shoots and scores. A menace to all unsuspecting wanderers, its activities are not confined to nocturnal maneuvers. Night or day, it is on high alert waiting for its next victim. With a pfft and a click you know you have been hit even before the odour reaches you. Its stated aim is to release air freshener, but this is just propaganda. Its real objective is to startle the living daylights out of you, especially at night.

This little device is the SWAT team of odour prevention. There is no shield thick enough, no night vision strong enough to defeat it. You would think it would be a fair fight, six feet of human vs one foot of motion sensor air freshener, but this fight is neither fair nor foul. In fact it takes place in a haze of Lilly of the Valley and with an innocent demeanor. Flying below the radar, it infiltrated my home without my permission, having snuck into the Itallian Stallion’s bag.

But I’m now onto this trespasser. After being accosted at 3.30am the other night, I have decided to deactivate the little bastard. Indeed, at 3.30am with a stuffy nose and a throbbing head to have a useless invention for the “genteel” accost me on a headache tablet mercy dash is entirely beyond the pale. Clearly, there is much use for a fine spray of Lilly of the Valley with a head cold (not).

And lest you think my stealth skills are substandard, my strapping sons have also been accosted from on high. Like a swooping magpie protecting its nest in Spring, the air freshener rains on their heads at the first hint of movement. Perhaps this is not a bad thing with teenage boys, but I’d hate to have them invite their friends over only to be sprayed. That would make them feel real welcome.

So the time has come to reclaim my corridors. No more Lilly of the Valley, not more pfft that goes bump in the night. I’m reclaiming my right of peaceful passage without a treaty of surrender.

One last pfft for man, one giant leap for mankind (at least those in this house).

Have you ever been accosted by a device in your own home? Is there any device that you would really like to banish?

Deactivated!

Mid-Life: Where Empowerment Meets Confusion

The Universe has been sending me a few signals lately that I need to return to the original theme of my blog, namely the journey through middle age. OK, Universe, I hear you and as always I am your humble servant.

Firstly, the ladies at Lipstick Rhetoric wrote two wonderful blog posts about middle life. In one they ask whether a mid-life crisis is tied to paid employment and whether as a result it is only a recent phenomenon in women and in the other they write about a mid-life career crisis and whether this is attributable to the general midlife crisis phenomenon. Both of these posts resonated and I believe that the more people talk about this topic the better. All of us may be pioneers in our own lives and journeys, but none of us are pioneers in the wider sense. Ask enough questions, read and hang out long enough and you will come across those experiencing the same feelings, asking the same questions. Let’s use this wonderful technology to laugh, communicate and support each other and I don’t just mean the women. Men, your input into this issue is important, valuable and extremely necessary. I know it’s difficult for men to overcome the notion that they must remain strong, but men, let me tell you, there is no weakness in talking about this. Rather there is an honesty and level of self awareness that should be applauded. After all, that is the first step to change.

Furthermore, the only certainty in life besides death and taxes is that nothing is actually certain. Anything can change in a blink of an eye. To me, middle age, more than any other stage, teaches you how to deal with uncertainty to prepare you for the trials and tribulations you are bound to encounter in old age. It teaches you to question more deeply and that good planning will only get you so far. It gives you the confidence necessary to deal with the consequences of your decisions and to shed those parts of your skin that no longer work for you. Those that use middle age wisely can be reborn. Those that don’t will continue to struggle. Wisdom will usually require some tough decision and facing of fears.

There are some days when I feel like this

The second sign came from an article in our popular press over the weekend on how some Australian high-profile women are positively facing middle age. The article focused on women aged between their early forties to their early fifties, which of itself was an eye opener for me. I always wrongly held the notion that mid-life crisis point was only reached from the age of forty five but I suspect that soon we will be dropping the word “mid” from “mid-life crisis” and that more and more people will start their questioning and catharsis at an earlier age. The impetus for this comes from several areas – there are many more life style options that are available today and society in general has a more tolerant view on people embracing lifestyles and workstyles that are not considered to be conventional, if not totally alternate. In that sense, these are exciting times.

I agree with the article that there are a lot of positives about middle age. I admit to a degree of trepidation at turning forty after I was too exhausted preparing for children when I turned thirty. But as my forties have worn on in terms of physicality, self-confidence and energy, I am embracing this decade like none before. After decades of trying, I finally have my weight under control and am embracing everything I can about finally being in proportion, including self confidence. What joy to have finally arrived at this point!!

I have concluded that middle age is that stage when empowerment meets confusion, rather than a number. There is no doubt the search of answers can be disconcerting, particularly if you had absolute direction to this point. The difficulty lies in realigning your life’s compass, after all you know so much more now than when you initially set it. True north, though, is still true north!

The hard part for me is finding the time and space to strategize about my own life whilst still being there for my family. These are the absolute truths I have discoved about middle age:

rebirth is not easy
strategizing takes time
you can’t strategize effectively with other noise in your head
you can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime
you can’t turn the Titanic around without affecting the position of other nearby boats
a mid-life crisis is harder on the partner not going through it.

The reference to “Titanic” here is as a symbol for a large ship, not a sinking one!

Like I said at the start of my blog, I am not a self-help guru and I have no wish to preach at anyone. I hope by outlining my thoughts and feelings about my own journey others may feel less alone, less disconcerted. There is much strength to be gained from solidarity and discussion. And if a friendship or two develops along the way, so much the better.

Have you discovered any truths or insights about mid-life? I would love to hear from you.

The First Step

They say every journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step. This post represents the first step of my bloggosphere journey. Like most novice bloggers, I start this journey with a whole lot of enthusiasm, wonder and excitement together with a squeeze of trepidation and many questions. I am hoping that in a couple of years, I’ll look back at this post and see how far into the bloggosphere I have travelled, laugh at what I didn’t know and like a proud parent savour what I have grown and nurtured.

Why this blog? I enjoy the written word and entertaining people. If I can raise an “ah-ha”, a laugh or a smile out of just one person, then it’s a good day. I also love community. Ironically, my love for the written word came long after I left school – my English teachers will attest to that. I remember not so fondly my high school years in English class wondering why the English department had nothing better to do than butcher some great novels. Take Thomas Hardy’s novel, Tess of the D’Urbervilles – a fabulous girl meets boy story. At one point (actually several points, but let’s not go there), Angel leaves Tess and Tess is blue. What an amazing literary coincidence that at the time of Tess’ “blueness” the weather is dank, wet, cold and depressing to match her mood. And just my luck I had to write a thousand words about this very imagery. Why couldn’t Tess just turn up the stereo, listen to her favourite break up songs, eat a tonne of ice-cream, cry her little eyes out and funk out without the appropriate scenery like everyone else? It would have saved me an excruciating thousand words!

Roll the film forward and I am grateful that the love of the written word found its way to my life. This is a very good thing given I have spent most of the last quarter of a century working in a profession where every word counts and a stray “and” or “or” can change the meaning of a document or the course of a transaction (not to mention cost someone a whole lot of mullah). However, business writing is not creative writing and my creative muscle is begging for a regular work out. So the blogosphere it is.

I have called my blog “Raising the Curtain” because through it I hope to find a way to effectively prepare for life’s second act. What happens when you get to the crossroads and find out that the road map which you have been using no longer applies or that life has stopped providing the signage you need to finish your journey? How do you survive middle age and come out bigger and better than before? I don’t have the answers….. yet, but I am hoping to go at least some of the way to finding them through writing, sharing common experiences and humour. I am not a change your life guru or a dream merchant… but what I do know is that a journey shared is more fun than a solo journey and I love learning new things.

So, let’s raise the curtain to the second act. Currently at the crossroads I can see a “Stop” and a “Give Way” sign and a sign that says “U-turn”. None of these seem right. There is a whole lot of fantastic living still to be done and most likely a “Dip” or a “Hump” on the way. I love to hear your points of view, so let’s make this a two way conversation.