Let’s Phlog Monday: All Is Swell

I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day – when it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May

And I’ve got these wonderful two opening lines from the Temptations 1965 classic My Girl shuffling around in my head as a precursor to the pictures to follow.

After last week’s rain burst, the sun has returned to our fair shores bringing some enjoyable winter days. Whilst it’s still cold, the sun has taken the edge off the chill during the day and brightness has replaced the dull somberness of eternal cloud.  Whenever it’s a sunny day, my optimism escalates. Most of us Aussies are sun chasers. When there’s sun, there’s hope of a warmer existence. During winter I scour the house for wind-protected sun patches and chase the movement of the sun as it filters through the windows with the passing day.

Aussies also tend to love the beach and I am lucky enough to be within reach of some amazing ones. The legacy of the Southerly of the week before was midweek six foot swells on our surf beaches. The surfers donned their wetsuits and came out to ride the waves. The dolphins smiled, looked on and frolicked. The whitewash was like shaving cream.

Before the photos, a touch of surfing humour:

 How do surfers clean themselves?

 They wash up on shore!

I consider surfers in six foot wintry swells to be very brave people. But days like these to a surfer are like rare manna from heaven and out they come to feast. The shots were taken just before dusk.

Waves Crashing

Pipeline Curling

Arms Thrashing

Board and Rider Hurling

Are you a sun chaser or do you prefer to be out of the sun?

Cleaniness May Be Next to Godliness But Mess Is Next To Joyfulness

Mess, what a great topic. I am not talking about mess in the physical mess, although I am quite partial to sticking my hands in mud, sand and cream, although probably not all at the same time. And I have given fleeting thought to jumping into a pool of jelly, fully clothed without any wrestling involved, but the thought of that much jelly wastage keeps me firmly grounded.

The concept of mess is more about the consequences of having taken a conscious step. You do something, another thing or several things you deem unpleasant follow. This follow on is the creation of mess and mess usually needs to be dealt with. Ignoring mess, just makes it worse as mess tends to breed.

Most mess is planned and predictable. When you decide to jump into that enticing puddle, you know that you will end up with wet shoes and wet trousers that will most likely need cleaning once you are done. As puddles do, it beckons and you are willing to expend the energy to clean up. Other mess is neither planned nor predictable. Having decided to jump into that puddle, you didn’t see the black dirt that lay under the water and the splash you created has actually reached your coat. The mess created is bigger than you initially anticipated and you will now need even more energy to deal with it. Whilst these examples happen to involve physical mess I could equally have used examples that do not.

We learn from an early age that mess is to be avoided. We spend a lot of time ensuring that our children make as little mess as possible and teach them (mostly through chiding) that mess is bad. Further and regrettably, we spend a lot of time cleaning up our children’s messes because heaven forbid they should actually have to experience mess. But if we do this, how are they ever going to learn how to assess predictable mess or how to deal with mess? Are we to deny our children the joy of playing in the mud because it creates physical mess that we will have to clean?

Mess avoidance tends to lead to:

    • a flawlessly clean existence that is not a life
    • a lack of resilience
    • black and white two dimensional living
    • stagnation
    • fear

As such I’m here to advocate for mess.

For the longest time, I feared mess, spent a lot of time and energy avoiding it (well, except in the physical sense, but that’s another story you can ask the long suffering Italian Stallion). Living a life, growing and experiencing is messy. There is just no way around it. Now I put that same energy into dealing with mess, which in most cases turns out to be less messy than my inner voice had led me to believe.  But the joy of having given myself permission to create mess and have the experience along the way far outweighs the energy expended to deal with the mess.  And for the most part, I have stopped cleaning my sons’ messes. The time has come for them to learn their own cleaning techniques, with my support and guidance.

Embracing mess means embracing possibility, potential and growth. It means involvement, engagement and life. Permit yourself to experience mess. You may even learn some new clean-up techniques.

I thank my new found relationship with mess in bringing me to the blogging world. It has not been a flawless performance every time, but I know that I can deal with any mess. And in any event, the concept of immaculate is generally overrated.

When was the last time you got literally messy? Please feel free to leave your finger prints all over the dust in my comment box.

Good Oral Hygene And The Art of Salemanship

Confession: I have always had an uneasy relationship with dentists and the dental profession. There’s just something about someone poking in your mouth and causing you pain whilst trying hard not to look up your nose that just doesn’t have me wringing my hands in delight at upcoming dental appointments. Apologies to any dentists or dental hygienists. As the Donald would say, it’s not personal it’s my oral pain threshold.

This week was one of those biannual dental check up weeks.  I’ve concluded that dentists are great sales people. How clever is it that they convince you to make the next appointment just moments after you have escaped from THAT chair and are basking in post dental after-glow?  Seriously, if I smoked, I would reach for a cigarette then and there! And having made the appointment for six months time (because the dental gods have been known to shine on occasion), you insert it in your diary and happily forget until about two weeks beforehand when your stomach reminds you that your trip to the torture chamber looms.

I have had the same dental hygienist for more than a decade. She’s great despite my forgivings about a trip to her torture chamber.  Leaving aside her plaque removal techniques (which of course are second to none), we have some great conversations. No, really..we do, despite the immobilization of my implement filled mouth and the taste of fluoride. You can say a lot with a simple, well-timed “ahamurf”.

My dental reluctance/phobia.. whatever you want to call it… had its genesis in my formative years when I became VERY well acquainted with my first dentist at the age of six. We had to drive over three bridges and an hour and half each way for each apointment and I had to take a friend. This was so because it was the only way my mother knew how to deal with my catatonic fear. My poor wit-ended mother had found the only dentist within cooee who was a child specialist.  I suppose I would have felt really special had I not always had the feeling like I was about to toss my lunch every time. This dentist was a rather formidable, orange haired lady who countered her sternness by wearing a dental coat covered in cartoon characters and the promise of a balloon after treatment. How’s that for high tech distraction? This relationship lasted until I was 13 when I was told that I had to move on.  As a graduation gift I got the opportunity to become acquainted with the BIG adult dentist.

Visions of Ms Sterntist and BIG adult dentist have stayed with me all of these years. They are not fond memories and I am happy to say I am replacing them with memories of Good Conversationalist Hygienist.  GCH always does an initial thorough exam… there’s some poking, then some prodding…the mirror swish and that blast of cold water. Treatment then ensues culminating in the absolutely AWFUL taste of fluoride. How is it that we live in the twenty-first century and have not come up with better tasting fluoride that one can rinse?

But just before the fluoride hit, GCH always delivers her pronouncement on my quality of oral care over the last six months. This always makes me nervous… yes, ma’am I really do floss every day, really. How ridiculous is it that a simple “you’ve been doing well lately, your mouth looks really good” makes me feel ten feet tall? But it does and I pass with honours. Let the angels sing, I have impressed my hygienist!

So contemplating my new found oral care goddess status, I arise from the chair and happily make my next appointment. Walking on air and notionally smoking my cigarette, I even pay for the privilege to be tortured. I have made my dental hygienist happy!

Photo from hotfunnyclub.com

Seriously, how good ARE these people?

Do you ever worry about impressing a health care professional?

Let’s Phlog Monday: When Winter Weeps

Wet, wet and more wet that’s what the long weekend has brought us here in the land of beaches and cream. It has been raining hard for the last two and a half days with no let up until at least Thursday. Today is a no work day, thanks to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and her not so real birthday.

To begin with a winter quote from Edith Sitwell:

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth,  for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time  for home.

This is a warm up photo and not one of mine.
Photo from flikr – song under the sugar sugar.

It certainly is a time for home … or a time for canoes, ducks, rubber boots and jumping and wading through puddles. It’s also a time for stews, dumplings, apple strudel and hot chocolate.

But first, a small winter joke and a nice topical segue…

Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids

Please grab a mug of something and enjoy this week’s photos.

Driving Rain

Dark Descends

Winter Weeps

These were taken last week, just after a southerly decended on my town. A southerly refers to a cold change from the South usually bringing with it chilly Antarctic winds. In this case, the change decsended rapidly causing the light to dim and tempratures to plummet. It also brought with it heavy rain.

The pictures were taken from a skybridge in which I sought shelter. Minutes before the change, the outdoors were filled with people. Despite the weather, life pushes on.

What do you love about Winter?

Take a NY Times Bestseller And Twist: Cracked Book Titles

Every good woman deserves a fabulous hair treatment once in a while. This good woman had exactly that earlier this week after a prolonged dry spell. For there comes a point in time when an ever expanding regrowth just needs to be dealt with and the good woman needs to catch up on her magazine reading. For some unknown reason this good woman only ever reads print magazines at the hairdressers or in doctor’s offices.

The trip to the hairdressers prompted me to think about books because of course any trip by a normal person to the hairdressers would. Books made me think about Fifty Shades of Grey because the Fifty Shades trilogy seems to have taken over the universe. It is everywhere, at least in these parts, and I see also on the NY Times bestseller list. In my mind and on that day, hairdressers and Fifty Shades Of Grey were braided together because it is a book title that begs to be word-played with.

For your entertainment pleasure, I present to you my list of recently created cracked book titles. All of these are based on books that are currently on the NY Times best seller lists and inspired by my hairdressing trip.

Perspectives on Hairdressing: Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Yards of Foil  – ammonia free and gets to the very roots of the industry. Offers a rare top of the head perspective on all things hairdressing, free scalp massage included.

Perspectives on Blind Installation: Fifty Shades Darker with Wooden Slats – a story full off hangups. Pull up a chair and drape yourself in the inside story on shutters versus blinds, wooden versus aluminium. Come, darken your world.

From The Magic of the Electric Eel to Fifty Shades Freed: Highlights of a Plumbing Career  – Marvel at the electric eel and its flexibility to fit around your S bend. Admire the men and women who plumb your depths and never leave home without a plunger. Free can of room freshener provided with every copy.

A Game of Thrones: The Diamond Jubilee and Beyond. Based on the book,  A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin. Self explanatory and I thank Her Majesty in advance for the long weekend we are about to receive in honour of her not-real birthday.

Memoirs of a Teacher in the New Millenium: A Dance with Parental Dragons and Wizards. Based on the book, A Dance With Dragons by George R.R. Martins and the sequel, In the Garden With Beasts And Sporting Parents, based on In the Garden with Beasts by Eric Larson. We have all seen this sort of unruly behaviour at schools and school sporting fixtures. Get the inside scoop on how to deal with parents behaving badly.

Vision in White: Memoirs of Waiting Patients Who Made An Appointment. Based on the book Vision in White by Nora Roberts. 1,000 pages of easily digestible memoirs that can be devoured in one sitting whilst you wait to see your doctor for that scheduled appointment.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet: Tales From a Teenage Crash Pad,  Fondly Known as The Parental’s Home. Based on the book, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford. Both perspectives are covered in this one authoritative volume. The author gains real insight into the teenage mind…. prepare to be dazzled and waited on and get your laundry done. On the other hand, be prepared to be bemused as you see only the back of your teenage child as he races out the door. Learn to recognise the signs that your teenage child actually spent some time at home… the empty fridge, the laundry over the floor and crumbs on the kitchen bench… bitter and sweet in one entertaining package.

This is what happens when I go to the hairdresser…. you have now been warned. Any writers out there who are struggling to come up with book titles, I’m free most weeknights…

Do you have any other cracked book titles you wish to add to the list? What do you look forward to about a trip to the hairdresser? Do you have hair or do you miss it?

May Catchup: Three Accolades and A Badge

It’s been another aMAYzing month in Curtaindom, so much so that I’m just catching up with some bloggy housekeeping.

During the last week of May, I was awarded not one, but three, blog awards from some amazing bloggers. I am truly humbled. Thanks to:

Sisyphus47 who blogs at Of Glass and Paper for awarding me the One Lovely Blog Award. Sisyphus has a wonderful writing blog covering one of the broadest range of subjects I have ever seen. Talented… much!

Lisa who also goes by the blog name Life With the Top Down blogging at Fretym. Lisa’s blog was one of the first blogs I landed on and I have never looked back. Fretym is one of my favourite blogs and puts either a knowing smile or a jovial smile on my face with every read. Lisa awarded me the Versatile Blogger award.

Jennifer aka News Of The Times who blogs at News Of The Times, a blog about the issues of today. Jennifer has some amazing insights into these issues and tackles the serious and the humorous with great aplomb. Jennifer awarded me the Sunshine Award.

There are some rules I have to comply with. The first is to answer some questions about myself. I’m going to use some poetic licence and use the same set of questions for each award. There has to be something left to reveal when I finally do Raise the Curtain ;)!

What is a real fear you have? That the mark I leave on this world is not what I wish it to be. I do not want “She was a great office worker” on my epitaph. Also I have this irrational fear of loose buttons. Don’t ask me why.

How would you describe yourself? Forthright, spontaneous, energetic, a wisdom monger in training, compassionate and down to earth. I love a challenge and embrace differences in people.

What Countries have you lived in? Just Australia, but have travelled a lot. Had I been born 15 years later I most certainly would have lived and worked for a while in England, the US or Hong Kong.

What is your style? Laid back, casual.

What is your favorite breakfast food? A sausage and egg roll with BBQ sauce cooked at a local sports event on an outdoor BBQ.

What are some of your hobbies? Reading, writing, bush walking, any other type of walking, dogs, listening to music, photography, road trips and parenting.

If you could tell people anything, what would be the most important thing to say? Be yourself and live your dreams. Do something you are passionate about and feed your soul every day.

What is one of your passions? Travel and rights for people with a disability.

What is the one truth you have learned? We are all humans with feelings and judging others is for the small-minded.

Now to pay these awards forward. I am awarding these awards as a triple treat. The nominees receive all three awards unless they nominated me for an award, in which case they receive the remaining two awards to avoid an endless loop. The awards go to:

Finally Wendy Wonders – read about a fellow Red Sox fanatic and road trip adventuress.

Dearanonymousfriend – a wonderful blog written straight from the heart.

Word Play – join Chris on his wonderfully witty musings about life. Chris can go head to head with me on banter and I respect him immensely for that talent alone. His blog was a great find.

Laughing At Everyday Life – Tammy and her daily servings of fun and laughter light up my day. Together we have scheduled to change the world this Tuesday. Come join us by visiting her blog.

The Write Transition – Carrie Rubin’s wonderfully witty writers blog written from Carrie’s den with the squirrel outside the window. Definitely worth swinging by.

The Left Write Brain  – written by Jim Wright. Jim lives in Jordan and shares some aspects of his life there and his writings. A really interesting blog.

Queen Gen – as Gen says “nothing says modesty like a crown”. Gen has a wonderfully dry sense of humour and an entertaining blog.

How the Cookie Crumbles – also one of the first blogs I found here and have stayed to visit everyday. Tess, who also goes by the name “Let’s Cut the Crap” writes with a generosity of spirit that always gives me pause. She is a spunky boomer whose attitude to life is something I aspire to. Tess’ beautiful blog is really worth a visit.

The Tawnys Blog – I was lead to Tawny’s blog through a mutual non blogging friend and what a prize! Tawny is insightful and wise and her writing is always interesting.

Cricket’s Corner in Australia – another non blogging mutual friend introduction and a great blog find. Cricket is an American living in Australia and blogs about both her US home and Australian home. Thoughtful, wise and informative blog posts.

Jensinewall – a blog that’s got class written all over it and a wonderfully new and interesting find.

News Of the Times – because the blog is informative and entertaining and deserves both the Beautiful Blog Award and the Versatile Blogger Award.

Fretym – because this is the blog that keeps on giving and deserves both the Sunshine Award and the Beautiful Blog Award.

Of Glass and Paper – because this blog is always interesting and deserves both the Sunshine Award and Versatile Blogger Award.

And last, but certainly not least, to the badge. I have been inducted into the not normal club, being run out of Tammy’s blog at Laughing At Everyday Life. I’m out and proud to be a member of this most esteemed association and hope to contribute to the humour collective found amongst its constituency. New members always welcome.

Time to jump right into June and a not a moment too soon!

Mid-Life: Where Empowerment Meets Confusion

The Universe has been sending me a few signals lately that I need to return to the original theme of my blog, namely the journey through middle age. OK, Universe, I hear you and as always I am your humble servant.

Firstly, the ladies at Lipstick Rhetoric wrote two wonderful blog posts about middle life. In one they ask whether a mid-life crisis is tied to paid employment and whether as a result it is only a recent phenomenon in women  and in the other they write about a mid-life career crisis and whether this is attributable to the general midlife crisis phenomenon. Both of these posts resonated and I believe that the more people talk about this topic the better. All of us may be pioneers in our own lives and journeys, but none of us are pioneers in the wider sense. Ask enough questions, read and hang out long enough and you will come across those experiencing the same feelings, asking the same questions. Let’s use this wonderful technology to laugh, communicate and support each other and I don’t just mean the women. Men, your input into this issue is important, valuable and extremely necessary. I know it’s difficult for men to overcome the notion that they must remain strong, but men, let me tell you, there is no weakness in talking about this. Rather there is an honesty and level of self awareness that should be applauded. After all, that is the first step to change.

Furthermore, the only certainty in life besides death and taxes is that nothing is actually certain. Anything can change in a blink of an eye. To me, middle age, more than any other stage, teaches you how to deal with uncertainty to prepare you for the trials and tribulations you are bound to encounter in old age. It teaches you to question more deeply and that good planning will only get you so far. It gives you the confidence necessary to deal with the consequences of your decisions and to shed those parts of your skin that no longer work for you. Those that use middle age wisely can be reborn. Those that don’t will continue to struggle. Wisdom will usually require some tough decision and facing of fears.

There are some days when I feel like this

The second sign came from an article in our popular press over the weekend on how some Australian high-profile women are positively facing middle age. The article focused on women aged between their early forties to their early fifties, which of itself was an eye opener for me. I always wrongly held the notion that mid-life crisis point was only reached from the age of forty five but I suspect that soon we will be dropping the word “mid” from “mid-life crisis” and that more and more people will start their questioning and catharsis at an earlier age.  The impetus for this comes from several areas  – there are many more life style options that are available today and society in general has a more tolerant view on people embracing lifestyles and workstyles that are not considered to be conventional, if not totally alternate.  In that sense, these are exciting times.

I agree with the article that there are a lot of positives about middle age. I admit to a degree of trepidation at turning forty after I was too exhausted preparing for children when I turned thirty. But as my forties have worn on in terms of physicality, self-confidence and energy, I am embracing this decade like none before. After decades of trying, I finally have my weight under control and am embracing everything I can about finally being in proportion, including self confidence. What joy to have finally arrived at this point!!

I have concluded that middle age is that stage when empowerment meets confusion, rather than a number. There is no doubt the search of answers can be disconcerting, particularly if you had absolute direction to this point. The difficulty lies in realigning your life’s compass, after all you know so much more now than when you initially set it. True north, though, is still true north!

The hard part for me is finding the time and space to strategize about my own life whilst still being there for my family.  These are the absolute truths I have discoved about  middle age:

    • rebirth is not easy
    • strategizing takes time
    • you can’t strategize effectively with other noise in your head
    • you can’t turn the Titanic around on a dime
    • you can’t turn the Titanic around without affecting the position of other nearby boats
    • a mid-life crisis is harder on the partner not going through it.

The reference to “Titanic” here is as a symbol for a large ship, not a sinking one!

Like I said at the start of my blog, I am not a self-help guru and I have no wish to preach at anyone. I hope by outlining my thoughts and feelings about my own journey others may feel less alone, less disconcerted. There is much strength to be gained from solidarity and discussion. And if a friendship or two develops along the way, so much the better.

Have you discovered any truths or insights about mid-life? I would love to hear from you.

Let’s Phlog Monday: How Much Does a Grecian Urn?

Answer: About the same amount as a Venetian charges to make a blind.

Sadly, the actual answer right now is probably either nothing or less than half of what he earned about 18 months ago. Hello to all my readers in the Eurozone, hope your weekend is not too shabby and you’re thinking about things far more pleasant than the economy.

Turning to today’s photos…

Another Autumnal day, another photo opportunity and if I shut my eyes I can imagine the Aegean Sea, Mykonos, fishing boats and paradise. Shirley Valentine…eat your heart out. I am dying to place some tables and chairs and have a wine or a coffee at this spot. Come join me for a Grecian adventure in Australia from your web portal.

Dream

Visualise

Feel

Escape

Wishing you all a good week.

 

Saturday Soapbox: Where Have All Our Leaders Gone?

Warning: This post is a little heavier than my usual fair and is about politics, although it is not political. If you don’t like to read about politics then jump off here.

We live in difficult times. Difficult from the point of view of uncertainty, both in terms of the emergence of a new world order and in economic terms. It is at these times people look to leaders, not so much for the answers to their problems, but for inspiration and motivation to find the answers to their problems.

Firstly, some terminology. In my mind there is a clear distinction between managers and leaders. Managers are responsible for delivering tasks and outcomes, they steer a process. Whilst a manager can also be a leader, managing and leading require different skills and it is rare that you find those skill sets together. There is some overlap at the centre between the skill sets, but at the edges, a leader has to have something more. Further, a leader does not necessarily have to be a good manager, rather he has to have the confidence and intelligence to delegate to good managers.

A leader has to have vision and to be able to articulate and paint that vision in a way that makes it real. A genuine leader:

    • follows when necessary and steps to the front where necessary
    • listens as much as she speaks
    • is a pupil as much as he is a teacher
    • has respect for all people no matter their culture, socio-economic circumstances, physical features or religion
    • behaves graciously
    • has confidence with humility
    • values imput from others.

Coincidentally, the quote on my desk calendar today comes from Mahatma Gandhi, who was a leader:

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

This quote is particularly apposite to the topic of this post.

Australia’s system of government is modelled on the English Westminster system. The people elect members to the upper and lower houses of parliament as their representatives who debate policy and pass laws. The government is chosen from the party who has the majority of seats in the lower house. Debates are highly adversarial and members often grandstand, call each other names and point score – an eye for an eye. All of this may be tradition and somewhat theatrical, some might even say entertaining, but to me it is lamentable. There are ways of conveying a point of view, graciously and respectfully without personally attacking anyone. The whole show reminds me of a badly behaved kindergarten class where the Speaker kindergarten teacher has lost control. The behaviour is not confined to any one side of politics or any gender.

Just think if we brought this sort of behaviour into the boardroom, nothing would get done. Apart from the fact that everyone would be suing everyone else for defamation, people would be highly distracted by the theatrics and the real task at hand would be forever postponed.

Outside of parliament, our politicians are constantly selling their vision/message to the people. I use the term selling deliberately because the spin is nauseatingly dizzying. Sugar coating is for bakeries, not for government. The populace is not stupid, nor do they need to be patronized. If there is a bitter pill to swallow, I would rather be told straight by someone I respect and who at the same time as delivering the pill delivers the vision for dealing with the affects of that pill.

I believe the dearth of genuine leaders and authentic leadership is responsible for the close call elections and hung parliaments around the world. Australia itself has no clear governing majority party, the Labor government relies on deals with a handful of independents, Greece is returning to the polls after an equivocal election and England is also governed by a coalition government after its 2010 general election.

What example are we setting for our future parliamentarians?

Where has the leadership gone, where are all the leaders hiding? Where are all the authentic men and women with genuine presence, dignity and vision? We need you on all sides of politics, this is a call to arms and there’s not a moment to lose.

Sorry For My Escapee Post

Release the Hounds! Escaped undercooked post on the loose!

Profuse apologies to my blog followers who received the very early draft of the “Words That Make You Go MMM” post. That was unintended. The final, updated version has now been posted. I still don’t know how I did that, my mouse was nowhere near the publish key.

Living and learning quite visibly!