Tag Archives: family

Walking on Egg Shells Without A Safety Net #NaBloPoMo

There are days when as a parent of two teens, I can’t turn a trick.

Thankfully, today was not one of those days. We had a rather pleasant afternoon over lunch celebrating my mother’s birthday as a family. My mother has the most amazing knack of bringing out the best in my children. Mind you, they also bring out the best in her and today was no exception. I suppose she’s a safe zone for them, a whole lot of love without any need for prodding them to do stuff. Gratitude thy name is mother and I love the fact that my children have grandparents they can and do turn to.

caution teenagersThis last year or so of parenting has left me sitting here feeling very ineffective. Forget the fiscal cliff, what I’m talking about is the parental cliff and I’ve sailed right over. On my way through the free fall, I find myself latching on to any small branch of commonality with others similarly in free fall, swapping stories in an attempt to gain any insight into how to cushion this landing. Then there’s the  desperate clutching onto anything resembling something remotely positive or connective from said teens.

Every parent strives towards producing independent adults who will contribute positively to the human race. And by contribution, I don’t mean splitting the atom, creating the next big Internet phenomenon or brokering world peace. Whilst, all of these are wonderful objectives and worth striving towards, really all I want for my children is to happy and independent in whatever lawful path they choose.

And there’s the rub. To get to that point, our children have to make their own declaration of independence. And the process can be brutal. Deep down inside I applaud this final snip of the umbilical cord. In fact I would be more concerned if it didn’t come. The issue really is that whilst it’s happening, the family still has to function and we all need to still take care of business. Except that now their business is no longer my business except when I should have known it was my business from the subliminal messages that now pass for parent/teen communications.

Which is why I feel like I’m currently walking on egg shells without a safety net.

The approach to a teen requesting them to do the most basic of things involves the strategy of Sun Tzu, the diplomacy skills of Age gridHenry Kissenger and the timing skills of Warren Buffett. The slightest miscalculation can have lingering repercussions and usually someone me ends up losing a finger, or even worse, credibility. And all of this happening at a time which certainly feels like my parental report card is being handed down showing a series of Fs.

I wish I had some witty wisdom to impart on how to get through this. However, it has suddenly left me, no doubt buried under the piles of clothes in my teens’ bedrooms.

Perhaps I really should follow my teens’ advice to “Not take it so personally, mum” and instead go searching for my recently departed sense of humour. I think I’m going to need it for what’s still ahead.

 

 

 

 

Of Razor Blades and Memories #NaBloPoMo

It’s funny what banality can trigger memories.

Sometime in the coming weeks, I will undertake a ritual for the very last time. A ritual that has always connected me to my father. A ritual that was ours when my father was alive.

old style rego stickerWhen I was little, I used to be dad’s 2IC when it came to replacing the annual registration sticker on the family car. This used to involve razor blades, hours of concentration, methylated spirits and cut fingers. Back in the day, the Government used to issue each vehicle with a registration sticker which showed the month of registration, the year of validity and the registration number, make and VIN details of the vehicle.  It was up to each owner to apply the sticker to the windshield of the car after removing the pervious year’s version as it was an offence to leave the old sticker visible. So dad and I would set off to laboriously scrape off the old sticker which was made of a thin plastic film and applied to the window with a coat of glue. It was a transparency sort of affair which we could only remove using methylated spirits and razor blades. And the reward for persisting? A formerly whole registration sticker now hacked to a million plastic bits all through the car.

Whatever was involved, I loved this father/daughter time. It was him and me against the world.

As I grew, Dad anointed me in charge of the great registration sticker exchange. Out would come the razor blades and the metho (Aussie vernacularnewer style rego sticker for methylated spirits) and out I’d go to the car and do the deed. By this time, adhesive technology had evolved to the point where the registration sticker was less transparency, more sticker in the traditional sense. No water was required to activate the adhesive. This made old sticker removal somewhat quicker and easier, although the razor blades still came in handy.

Every year I change my registration sticker I use the same tools, the same methodology and I think of my father.

Our Government has finally decided to come into the twenty-first century and will from this year rely on its computer records as proof of registration. There will be no more registration stickers to apply and only this last one to remove.

My kids will never experience this ritual.

I will miss it. As I miss him.

In the coming weeks, my final peel will be for you, dad.

father quote

 

 

 

Costco Capers #NaBloPoMo

This past weekend saw us set out on our biannual Costco run. The Italian Stallion and I do not engage in this sport lightly. The visit is a culmination of weeks of precision planning, pantry reconnaissance and rigorous training. The training consists of pushing dollar bills in and pulling them out of wallets and speedy mathematical value assessment. Apart from this physical and mental preparation, there is always the the issue of what to wear to resolve. I mean who wants to end up on the hypothetical Costco equivalent of People of Walmart.

Walmart e card 1To us non-Americans the Wal-Mart phenomenon is curious indeed. We have no real Australian equivalent that has spurned a whole subculture. In fact, I was so curious that I asked a friend to take me to a Wal-Mart in Tennessee last time I was in the States to pop my Wal-Mart cherry. It must have been a slow day because it was nothing like what I expected to see having regard to the Wal-Mart mythology from the Internet. People shopped whilst fully clothed and there were no sprawling cash register lines. Talk about underwhelming. I didn’t buy anything.

But back to Costco. For us Costco is a pilgrimage and something not undertaken lightly as it is a least a half day event. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly there is only one Costco servicing Sydney. Sydney has a population of about two million, so our Costco sees plenty of action. Secondly, the store is about an hour’s drive away and that’s not counting the time it takes to find a parking spot. Thirdly, given there is only one store social encounters are unavoidable even for a city of this size. You will always meet someone you know at Costco, which of course then ties into the whole fashion thing. This weekend’s excursion didn’t disappoint as we bumped into two of the Italian Stallion’s colleagues and their spouses.

And everything about Costco is BIG.

Big quantities, big deals, big checkout lines, ginormous trolleys and big bucks.  Costco have these great little dinner rolls that I have longingly wanted to try for the past year. I have picked up a pack every time I have been to Costco, but the thought of what to do with 36 of them has always led me to leave them on the shelf. This time though I bit the bullet bread and took the BIG small dinner roll plunge.

And the act of lovingly placing in my trolley the 3 kilos of chicken thighs that will grace our dinner plates for the next little while next to that piece of outdoor furniture that I had to have is worth the trip all on its own. I like an eclectic, variety filled shopping basket.

The fun continued with the post Costco run packathon. Getting the stuff in the car took the patience of the Dalai Lama and the precision of Tetris. Luckily for me the Italian Stallion is really good at Tetris which is positive news indeed because the whole Tetris thing had to be repeated in the pantry at home. As for finding the stuff three months down the track when we need to use it… yeah.. good luck with that.

Which leads me to divulge Fascinating Costco Fact No. 352: After buying cling wrap in bulk at Costco last year, we have figured out we use 300m of the stuff in a year. Costco therefore not only assists with inventory control but also gives good trivia.

So now we are back in training for next year’s biannual Costco run. Should be just in time for Easter.

Dinner roll anyone?Bread Rolls

 Do you ever shop in bulk? Do you have a special shopping experience you could like to share?

Horsing Around With A Race That Stops A Nation: #NaBloPoMo

The first Tuesday in November is only days away and dear readers I need your help. I am desperately hoping your wisdom and good horse sense will see me through this important day.

fuggedaboudittNext Tuesday is Melbourne Cup day here in Australia. The Melbourne Cup is a $6million horse race which literally stops the nation. So good in fact that all of the lucky sods living in Melbourne receive a public holiday to head out to Flemington Race Course. The rest of us schlep to work and watch the event on television amist an eerie phone and keyboard silence. Which means that I have to issue this public service announcement to my international readers – if you are trying to phone Australia next Tuesday afternoon, local time between 2.45pm and 3.15pm, you might as well just stay in Brooklyn and Fuhgeddaboudit.

It is traditional for this one-day-a year punter to place a bet on the Melbourne Cup. Nothing huge, let’s just say if my horse won, the winnings would just be sufficient to purchase an upsized fast food take away meal or a taxi ride home. So fear not, I am staking the farm on your feedback.

Being a one-day-a year-punter, I’d like to say I study the form guide intently in the days leading up to the race, along with the weather conditions and race commentary. I’d like to say that, but neigh, that would be like saying that Phar Lap was just a horse. Instead I rely on a highly secret and scientific formula to choose my horses. This formula involves the intricacies of design, onomatopoeia and poetry, along with some mathematics as length and weight are taken into account. It is of course vitally important that the name of the horse one backs rolls effortlessly off the tongue and that the jockey’s stripes are beautifully colour co-ordinated. Surely, there are no other factors that determine the winner of a 3200 metre horse race?

It therefore must be patently obvious by now that I have no horse sense when it comes to picking a winner.

My general criteria for choosing the worthy candidate for my once a year flutter is a name that resonates in conjunction with a pleasing colour combination both on horse and rider and absolutely no:

PINK

 

So here is a link to the form guide for the race, dear readers and I need your help in choosing which horse is worthy of my once a year flutter.

My thoughts so far:

  • Simeon (19) and Red Cadeaux (3) are definitely out – too much pink
  • Super Cool (13), Masked Marvel (14) and Hawkspur (18) have great names – although is 13 an ominous sign?
  • I like the fact that Green Moon (2) and Sea Moon (4) might be related on the ethereal plane, given the commonalty of last name
  • Fiorente (6) and Tres Blue (23) are contenders because they are trained by one of the few female trainers in this country. Fiorente also happens to be the favourite, but has the disadvantage of carrying a pink stripe. (You see my dilemma?).
  • The best jockey stripe award goes to Dunaden (1). Love the whole polka dot effect and yellow is my favourite colour.

I therefore place my confidence in the blogosphere to assist with resolving this quandary. Please help a once-a-year punter out and place your suggestions in a comment below. All feedback will be gratefully considered and acknowledged and taken back to the stable without any expectation of those kind enough to contributed of having studied the form guide or having any horsey expertise.

And here’s a little something to get you all in the mood for the important task ahead.

champaignfascinator

 

 

Paying It Faward Once Again

Time for a bit of bloggy housekeeping and an award catchup.

It’s truly amazing to me that even during a blogging absence, blogging friends remember and reward. I have some fabulous readers and blogging mates and I am truly thankful.

During April and May, I received two awards from ramblingsfromamum who blogs at Ramblings From A Mum. Jen is a fellow Aussie and a very talented, multifaceted writer. Poetry, Haiku and flash fiction are all on offer at her blog. Jen has also just started a joint blog, words… from here to there, comprising thought provoking poetry and visual delights in the form of photography.

Firstly, Rambly (or mumsy) as she is fondly known, bestowed upon me the Best Moment Award.

Rambly writes that the purpose is for:

Awarding the people who live in the moment,
The noble who write and capture the best in life,
The bold who reminded us what really mattered –
Savoring the experience of quality time.

Best Moment Award

Rules:

  • Repost the award and award description
  • Give an acceptance speech
  • Pass the award on, and notify the nominees.

Not sure about a speech, but it is a real honour to be thought worthy of this award. Living in the moment and being bold takes continual practice and every day that includes these two things is an achievement. Thank you, Rambly, you really are a model recipient for this award.

If that wasn’t enough, Rambly also included me as part of her WordPress Family Award. The concept of the WordPress family is a good one and the notion that there are people “out there” who actually take the time to care about you and your life and positively impact on your blogging experience fills me with more than a little warmth. Which is needed right about now, given that Winter has arrived. Once again, thanks Rambly, the feeling is mutual.

wordpress-family-award-1

Rules:

  • Display the award logo on your blog.
  • Link back to the person who nominated you.
  • Nominate 10 (or more) others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family.
  • Let your 10 (or more) Family members know you have awarded them.

Also in May, dearanonymousfriend (DAF) nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. DAF blogs at dearanonymousfriend regaling us with stories about her role as a grandmother and her local community. DAF radiates a serenity that only the truly wise can muster. If your soul needs uplifting, make your way to DAF’s blog. My biggest thrill though came from DAF’s comment that I was her blogging hero. A simple thank you just doesn’t seem enough, but DAF, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that comment. We all do what we do mostly out of pleasure and to receive that sort of feedback is mind blowing, truly.

very inspiring blogger award

Rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements

Now to fulfil the rules. Seven things about me:

  1. I have long hair again for the first time in about a decade and a half and I’m loving it. I just don’t know whether to keep it or sheer it.
  2. I am once again a university student and am finding the experience incredibly stimulating and rewarding. Blogging has really helped with my academic writing.
  3. I love spending time with my teenage boys. They teach me something every day. We had a classic Wayne’s World moment today in the car singing along to and shaking our heads in time with Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
  4. My favourite colour of roses is yellow.
  5. I love helping people and being asked to help.
  6. My idea of heaven is an overseas family holiday.
  7. I want to be a female version of Richard Glover. Richard is a writer who pens satirical commentary about everyday life. Richard blogs here .

I would like to acknowledge my WordPress Family and bestow upon them the WordPress Family Award. You all contribute to my WordPress environment and I appreciate our interactions:

Elkement from The Theory And Practice of Combining Just Anything

Bronwyn from The Speeding Turtle Gets Fit

Carrie Ruben blogging at The Write Transition

Hugh Cutler from Hugh Cutler

BTG55 from Musings Of An Old Fart

Tess from How the Cookie Crumbles

Rambly from Ramblingsfromamum

DAF from Dearanonymousfriend

Lisa from Life With The Top Down.

As for the remaining awards, I nominate you, my fellow bloggers who are also my readers. I appreciate all of your comments, feedback and the time you take to read my blog. There is an amazing blogging community out there.

A few honourable mentions from my recent A to Z Blogging April Challenge experience:

Bob’s Wife – creative glimpses into life in the Philipines

Tropical Territory – snapshots of life in the Northern Territory

Ellen M Gregg – Ellen describes herself as is a writer, Reiki master teacher and nutritional vegan. She has an amazing amount of energy and a wide variety of interests. Her blog is worth a visit.

Jagoda Perich-Anderson who blogs at Conflict Tango – an interesting blog about conflict resolution and handling conflict

Michael J Cahill who blogs at Nouveau Scarecrow – Michael signed up just before the Challenge started and came through with flying colours with some magic posts and beautiful writing.

Thank you for your work and your comments during the course of the Challenge. I hope life has returned to some semblance of blogging normal for you all.

Please feel free to pay these faward.

Today I Give Myself Permission to Appreciate Whimsy #atozchallenge

Letter W Today I received a sign! There I was researching my whimsy post with the TV on in the background, tuned to Big Bang Theory. Not two minutes later Sheldon uttered the line

What’s life without whimsy?

What indeed, Sheldon.

Those silly little things that make you chuckle, that lift your spirits, that you do for no reason other than to put a smile on your face, that’s whimsy.

Not so long ago a friend and I visited Wombeyan Caves. I blogged about it just before the Challenge started. After we came out of the caves, my friend spotted a slippery slide and went for it. Never mind that she was a middle-aged woman, the pure joy on her face as she went down was incredibly uplifting. That’s whimsy.

Autumn Leaf in Nagasaki

Autumn Leaf in Nagasaki (Photo credit: Marufish)

Walking through a pile of Autumn leaves, throwing them in the air, having a leaf fight. That’s whimsy.

Crawling into a bed of freshly laundered sheets. That’s whimsy.

Sitting in the garden with the warm sun on your back, reading. That’s whimsy.

Sneaking out of the office to briefly feel wind on your face. That’s whimsy.

Cracking up at silly jokes and sayings. That’s whimsy.

Listening to the whole top 100 countdown of karaoke songs. That’s whimsy.

Engaging in the following conversation with my teen son is whimsy

Me: the bed man is coming to deliver the mattress today. You’ll have to let him in and pay him the delivery fee

Him: Mffmfwffm

Me: It means you’ll need to hear the doorbell and open the door

Him: Mrrffmrmmm

Me: You will let him in won’t you and not miss it?

Him: Nerf (At last the sign of a neuron firing)

Me: Ok, I’ve spoken to the mattress man and he’s coming between 11.30am and 2.30pm. Please make sure you are in the room closest to the door from about 11am

Him: I get it, Mum

Text from him at midday: It’s arrived, it’s in, he’s paid, all good

Text from me: Thank you my child. I have taught you well. You can go back to your day now, normal transmission can resume.

Text from him (1): Mum, don’t be weird.

Text from him (2): That’s my job.

Which leads us to another great W permission, to be weird. I practice it daily. I’d worry greatly if my children didn’t think I was weird, it’s my job and frankly my privilege to be so. We laugh at all our wierdness uniqueness. Every family has their own brand. Which leads us to the final W word of the day. Wonderful.

God said let there be whimsy and there was and it was wonderful.

Image courtesy of Zazzle.com.au

Image courtesy of Zazzle.com.au

Today I give myself permission to be whimsical and just a little weird.

Today I Give Myself Permission to Knock Back Balls In Play #atozchallenge

letter KWe are all jugglers. Multitaskers all, we juggle not only the balls of our own lives and at times we also juggle the balls of the lives of others.

If you are a parent or have ever been a parent you will know what I mean. From the moment they are born, your kids’ schedules take up residence in your brain and as they get older the more balls you need to keep in the air. As a parent you accept the juggle and willingly catch the balls your children throw you. And one day you hope to be in a position to through them right back, shinier then they were when you first caught them.

But what about those balls from people who are more remote to you? And what about balls that are thrown and you don’t even know you’re in a game of catch?

Confused with all this metaphorical ball talk?

Let me explain what I mean.

All of us derive our self esteem from different sources. There is usually something about ourselves that makes us proud of who we are or that is otherwise integral to the way we define ourselves. Rightly or wrongly, if something happens to that integral thing, we start feeling off and a little less than ourselves. For some that thing is parenting, for others their ability to run a marathon, write poetry, volunteer in the community, recite limericks, make great videos, cook gourmet meals. Whatever.

A moving GIF showing a basic 3 ball-cascade ju...

A moving GIF showing a basic 3 ball-cascade juggling pattern: good for juggling explanation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For me, it’s being able to solve problems or at least moving the problem a few steps forward if a complete solution is not within my skill set. So I love it when people come to me for a solution and I love to help them out. But I’m only just learning that this does not mean that I have to catch every ball that’s put in play. Seriously, this is my latest permission and is only really new.

And the late realisation is not because I can’t say no or because I am a people pleaser. I can say no plenty, just ask my children and the Italian Stallion.

So with this permission, I have set a few new rules:

  • identify early on whether an inoccuous question is really a ball you don’t want to accept or can become such a ball after a bit of back and forth. If yes, knock the ball back. If no, continue playing
  • you don’t always have to play ball to suit another’s agenda
  • it’s not only permissible, but essential to knock back the balls that may became too heavy or don’t add to your ball collection
  • beware of those trying to suck you into a ball game that you don’t want to be in, by stealth.

Most of us want to lighten another’s load. However, we also need to take care that by doing so, we don’t drop our own balls.

No more guilt. I’m now OK with this.

As for the balls in the parenting scenario. It is incumbant on all us parents to start knocking back our kids’ balls at some point. For if we do not, how will they ever learn to juggle? The job for us is to know just the right time to do this. We need to be alert enough to see the signs that show us they have the fledgling skills to not only catch the balls, but to also keep them in the air.

And one day, like it or not we will have to throw a few of our own balls their way.

One of my fellow bloggers wrote a fantastic post today about his special other half. In it he describes her empathetic nature and that at some points in her friendships, she needed to distance herself. K is also for kudos and I have nothing but kudos for BTG’s post today, which is very much on point. Please hop on over and read this little piece of special.

Today I give myself permission to knock back balls in play.

dog juggling

My post on Company for Christmas. I really am dreaming of a white Christmas. What are your Christmas dreams?

A Schlocky Rhyming Christmas

It had to happen sooner or later, so it might well be at Christmas when goodwill to fellow man and blogger is supposedly at its highest.

warning symbol

SCHLOCKY POEM AHEAD

This would be a good time to eject if you hate cheese, schlock or have inadverantly landed here only for mental stimulation.

‘Twas the day of Christmas
And all through the house
All creatures were stirring
Even the spouse
 
The tree was adorned
And the presents destined to fate
For the family members knew
That unwrapping must wait
 
For Christmas is about people
And they would come first
A feast to celebrate
More than one birth
 
Yes it’s true that Jesus was born
On this very day
But as luck would have it
So too was the spouse, it’s always been that way
 
A birthday cake and card
Must also be had
Happy birthday sung
Because he is dad (and can perfom a miracle or two when pressed)
 
It is a day to come together
And celebrate what matters
A day for laughter
And cross-generational chatter
 
And after lunch
With stomachs replete
The teens distribute the presents
With much stomping of feet
 
A whole lot of ripping
Of paper ensues
What’s that odd looking moving gift?
We all haven’t a clue
 
It seems at the moment
That my idea is not so jolly
Of choosing that Adam and Eve mug
For old Aunt Molly
 
It’s a little bit naughty
But could cause some grief
When the hot water dissolves
Good ole’ Adam’s fig leaf
 

Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

 
The food’s a cooking
And all is in place
For the family to descend
And leave more than a trace
 
So far so good
The situation’s not overly curly
For my mother in law
Has not turned up too early
 
 
 
She usually comes
Two hours before
The critical path time
It’s part of our familty folklore
 
So, I’m thankful
For small mercies
And look forward to the repast
The time is almost here, it’s coming up fast
 
So nothing is left
Other than to say
I wish you all a Merry Christmas
[And Happy Birthday, if it’s relevant to you]
And peace and sanity for the day!
 
Addendum
 
The curtain will be raised
Even more tonight
When I blog at Company for Christmas
To make someone’s day seem more bright
 
c4c-glyph
 
 
 
 
 

Of Tingling Toes and Grandmas

It’s been fairly hectic around Curtaindom for the past couple of months, but in a good way.

The family has survived the final exams apocalypse and the Creature aka my eldest son is starting to stir from the swamp of note paper filled with endless scrawl. The reason I know this is that the swamp of notes, textbooks and other assorted stationery has stopped spreading like the proverbial primordial ooze and now just sits forlornly in a pile like the blob. Except there’s no quiver, maybe a rustle or two, but certainly no quiver.

Just as Creature finished his final exam, my youngest son, started his own path towards the swamp by undertaking his end of year exams. They finish on Friday and …

I CAN’T WAIT!!!

Don’t get me wrong I think education is vitally important and I am totally supportive. But this year has been an exam marathon. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for 13 months! Lots of practice runs and then finally the real deal and well, now it’s almost over.

So it was with some glee and much relief that the family approached this weekend and my mother’s birthday celebrations. My mother, bless her, is now 80 something and has the most fantastic outlook on life. The past couple of years has not been easy healthwise and the changes become more obvious with every passing week. But through it all, she has maintained her peace, graciousness and giving heart. She has also maintained her relationship with my with boys, her grandsons.

Matti
Matti (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Purely and simply, they love her and of course…. she, them. You can see it in the way they support her when she walks, when they drop in on her unannounced for some TLC that only grandmothers do and the highest compliment of all, they have made her their Facebook friend. How much more evidence of her being teenage royalty can you get than a Facebook link? My mum is just plain cool. There is no other way to describe her, well there is actually … I would also say she’s super nice.

This adoration from my boys makes my toes tingle, my mouth curl upwards at the sides and my heart beat a little faster. Observing my boys and my mother together and interacting is one of my greatest joys. Probably because this experience was denied me as all my grandparents had passed before I was born. How wonderful to have the opportunity to seek out wisdom without judgement, to hear stories from another time and country and to have someone sneak you parental contraband!

The enduring relationship is made even more poignant because when they were born my boys had a full complement of four grandparents and now there are only two.

So whilst there was no disco dancing and no rock music at this party, we had a great time and made some happy memories. At this stage, every birthday is a milestone birthday and every birthday is a true cause for celebration.

And the thing that really made by toes tingle? This is what my eldest wrote in his grandmother’s birthday card:

Dear A,

I love you and I will always do anything for you.

Love J

Well just pick me up and call me mush!

Did you have grandparents in your life as a child? How do you view interactions between your parents and your children?